Do you have a question that you just haven't been able to get answered? Do you need an expert at a discounted rate? From academics /homework help to crafting; from cooking to veterinary advice; from computers to wedding planning, ExpertlyAnswered has experts from every imaginable field waiting to help you. And while you're there, be sure to check out our own Carole Brody Fleet; recently added to the roster of highly respected experts. Visit www.expertlyanswered.com to get the help you're looking for!

OCTOBER IS BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

HAVE FUN…HELP OTHERS

Do you remember how much fun you had playing “dress up” as a young girl? How would you like to be able to do it again – except this time, you can dress yourself up and have your image on everything from business cards to invites, stationery, mugs…even t-shirts!

When Widows Wear Stilettos was founded in 2006, and in trying to design business cards and stationery, I ran into quite the dilemma. We needed cards and stationery that like our website, reflected a bright, positive image. Imagine my frustration when all we were presented with were plain, boring “corporate” business card samples, "block letter" stationery and no shoe logos…the horror!!!.

Happily, I discovered DesignHerGals.com, a fantastic company that was founded by and is owned and operated by the most incredibly dynamic women. At DesignHerGals.com, you’ll start in a “dressing room” and build a “gal” to your exact specifications. You choose eye color and shape, skin tone, hairstyle, length and color – you can even choose a breast cancer headscarf! You then move on to choosing outfits and accessories of every sort – and “accessories” aren’t just limited to jewelry and shoes! You can “accessorize” with everything from pets to pom-poms; martinis to margaritas…it’s all there. I have two sets of business cards; one featuring three cats that actually resemble my own three "monsters" and the other with a martini (my favorite tipple).

Best of all is that while you’re having fun playing dress up and designing your own personalized stationery, you’ll be helping women in need. DesignHerGals.com is dedicated to raising funds and awareness for Stage IV breast cancer patients through their non-profit foundation and a portion of every order goes straight to that foundation. Ladies, I’m all about women empowering women and what an awesome cause! And P.S. - people are always bowled over by the business cards.

Visit www.designhergals.com to have a lot of fun, design unique stationery (because there’s no one like you, right?) and in the process, you’ll be helping others in need…and I promise that you’ll feel better for doing so!

TIPS OF THE MONTH – SEPTEMBER, 2009

VETS WITH ALS TO GET VA BENEFITS

If your husband is or was afflicted with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and served in the military at ANY time during his life, he and / or your family may eligible for disability or survivor benefits. Call (800) 827-1000 or visit www.va.gov for applications and instructions on filing a claim.

The following article is excerpted from www.military.com; courtesy of McClatchy-Tribune Information Services:

The Department of Veterans Affairs has published new regulations that designate amyotrophic lateral sclerosis -- ALS -- commonly called Lou Gehrig's Disease, as a service-connected disease. The measure will provide full access to health and disability benefits to all veterans with ALS.

"Veterans are developing ALS in rates higher than the general population and it was appropriate to take action," said James Peake, secretary of Veterans Affairs, in a news release. "ALS is a disease that progresses rapidly, once it is diagnosed. There simply isn't time to develop the evidence needed to support compensation claims before many veterans become seriously ill."

In 2001, the department opted to provide service-connected benefits to Gulf War veterans after multiple studies found returning veterans were being diagnosed almost twice as often as civilians. In addition, the connection between military service in the Gulf and ALS was strengthened by the fact that the disease typically affects people in their 50s, and 98 percent of Gulf War veterans are less than age 45.

More recent scientific studies have shown that the higher rates of ALS in veterans involve more than just those who served in the Gulf War. Harvard researchers found that men with any history of military service in the last century are at a nearly 60 percent greater risk of being diagnosed with the disease.

It is unknown what causes ALS or how it can be prevented, effectively treated or cured. It is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that attacks nerve cells and pathways in the brain and spinal cord. The prognosis for a person diagnosed with ALS today -- death in an average of two to five years -- is the same as it was in 1869 when the disease was first recognized.

The VA is currently estimating a claim processing time of three to six months; therefore, it is important that you act as soon as possible.

August 2009

WHEN “GOING AWAY” MEANS “LEAVING HOME”

For many, August is a popular “going away” month. Whether it’s to a last session of summer camp or back to school, August is a month where many children find themselves leaving the home…perhaps for a short period time or in the case of college, until the first holidays arrive.

Regardless of the age(s) of your children, leaving home for any period of time may prove difficult. It’s a scary step under the best of circumstances; under the circumstances with which your children are living, it can be terrifying. The reasons are several:

Since the loss of their father, your child’s sense of security has been shaken. There home life has been upended. There is a very real underlying fear of losing you as well, and the rationale is oftentimes, “if I don’t leave, nothing will happen to Mom or to my family”.

Guilt. Your child may feel as though he is “deserting” you by leaving you all by yourself – and they may feel that way even if there are siblings at home.

Sadness. Whether it has been years or just a short time, your child may still be the early stages of mourning the loss of their father (Kendall was still grappling with the “early” stages of grief even years after her father’s death).

Lack of control. Your child may feel as though they have no control over their lives or their destiny. Like it or not, they feel as though they “have” to continue with life and that continuance includes school, activities, etc…even if they feel just too overwhelmed to do so.

Your first instinct may very well be to keep your child at home at all costs. That’s not an unusual instinct; I went through the exact same thing. However, this is Real World and in Real World, you must enable and encourage your child to return to a life of education and / or activity.

How can you help?

1) STOP! Pay attention to your child. Does your child appear reluctant to leave home? Does he /she demonstrate a distinct lack of enthusiasm or disdain for the upcoming activity or departure?

2) LOOK! Does he procrastinate when it comes to packing or taking care of “have-to’s”? Has her general behavior become moody or sullen?

3) LISTEN! Is she saying things like, “I don’t really have to go Mom”, or, “how will you manage without me”?

4) VOLUNTEER! Offer to go with your child … to see them off to school (yes, even if that means traveling across the country), to take them to camp or to the bus that will take them to camp. Go to lunch or dinner beforehand to help make this a festive and exciting time. If schools are offering student orientations, offer to go with your child the first time. You will also want to make sure that any camp or school guidance counselors are aware that your child has experienced a major loss in their life, so that if your child needs help in your absence, the help is ready and waiting for them.

5) STAY IN TOUCH! Write, email, fax…whatever you are permitted to do to stay in touch with your child. And while it’s OK to let them know that you miss them like crazy, it is NOT going to be OK to superimpose your grief onto them – they are worried enough about you as it is. Don’t tell them that you wish they never had to leave home (even though we all feel that way as parents!), or that their absence makes you miss their father even more…this is a guilt that they cannot handle and should not have to handle.

6) KEEP PAYING ATTENTION! If you sense that your child is having genuine difficulties with being away from home, (poor grades, isolation, rebellion, physical symptoms, etc.,) contact the people in charge to discuss and remedy the situation. Don’t just assume that “it’s homesickness” or that “this too shall pass”.

Keeping this tips in mind will help ensure that your child will have a pleasant experience away from home, while at the same time, making sure that your concern, your love and your presence is felt as much as possible.

July 2009

"AGING BACKWARDS: SECRETS TO STAYING YOUNG"

You know, I have never in my life complained about how old I am at ANY point in my life (including now); mostly because l (along every single one of you) have seen the "alternative" to growing older – and it's not so great. Every single one of us has a tremendous appreciation for LIFE; regardless of our age; however, just because I don't complain about another candle on my birthday cake doesn't mean that I don't fight "aging" in every way possible – inwardly and outwardly! Happily I've made a wonderful new friend in that "fight" and I'm delighted to introduce her to all of you. Jackie Silver is the author of "Aging Backwards: Secrets to Staying Young"; a book full of great tips and insights on how to "turn back the clock" and keep yourself looking and feeling great. Check out "Aging Backwards…" at

http://www.amazon.com/Aging-Backwards-Secrets-Staying-Young/dp/0981900909/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236780684&sr=8-1

June 2009

"PERFECTLY IMPERFECT"

New York Times bestselling author, a genuine sweetheart and another one of my very favorite people in the world, Lee Woodruff, has just released her latest book, "Perfectly Imperfect: A Life in Progress" (Random House). Released to wonderful reviews, Lee lets us in on the "perfectly imperfect life". She'll make you giggle as she recounts a visit to an amusement park with her four children; smile sentimentally at her description of women's jewelry boxes and bring a tear when describing the many challenges that she has bravely faced; including her husband (Bob Woodruff, anchor at ABC News) being critically injured in Iraq and her father's current battle with dementia. "Perfectly Imperfect…" is available at all major bookstores and on all major book buying sites online – and you can check her out on video on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1400067316/ref=s9_simx_gw_s0_p14_t1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0C5YRFKYVJM57JSPXV0Y&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846 .

May 2009

GOT KIDS?

CHECK OUT "FREE-RANGE KIDS" TODAY!

Author, columnist, humorist, all around "good-guy" and one of my favorite people on the planet, Lenore Skenazy, has just released her latest book, "Free-Range Kids": Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry" (Wiley, John & Sons). Released to wonderful reviews, Lenore "dares" to explore a world gone by and a world in which many of us grew up…a world where children actually walked to school, played outside until "the streetlights came on" (actually one of our house rules when I was growing up!) and were permitted to walk to a friend's house without benefit of cell phones or any other sort of "tracking devices"…we even drank out of garden hoses! This book will make you laugh and most importantly, it will make you think. "Free Range Kids…" is available at all major bookstores and on all major book buying sites online – and you can check out an awesome video on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Free-Range-Kids-Children-Freedom-Without/dp/0470471948/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241058662&sr=8-1 .

April 2009

DON’T ASSUME – ASK!!

The days that follow the death and funeral of your husband are filled with almost incomprehensible grief; yet this is one of the most crucial time periods for you. You must see to the economic needs of yourself and your family and time is of the essence. Most widows do not know where or to whom to turn for help and the younger you are, the less likely you know in which direction to go. Many young widows do not realize to what they (and their children) may be entitled as survivors. Sadly, you may have assumed that you are not entitled to any benefits as a widow because:

You are young (i.e., not “retirement” age);
You are a working mother (and therefore have some kind of income);
You weren’t married very long;
Too much time has passed since your husband’s death;
You don’t have children.

No one likes to deal with practical matters, paperwork or red-tape; yet it’s a time-urgent reality. Whether you are in the middle of overwhelming grief, or if it has been awhile since your husband’s death, you must still see to practical matters. Do not merely assume that you are not entitled to any benefits from Social Security, the Veterans Administration, your husband’s employer, etc…..you must ASK ASK ASK!!!!

Did you know that:

1. Come tax season, you may be eligible to file your taxes under what is referred to as “Preferred Status” with the Internal Revenue Service for a period of up to three years. This means that your status as a widow will be noted on the return; however, the return may be considered as if you were married; thereby affording you the same tax benefits as if you were married. Your accountant will be able to provide you with additional information – ASK!!**

2. You do not require a lawyer to file a claim with Social Security on your behalf or on behalf of your children. Unless you feel that you have been wrongly denied benefits, do not retain legal counsel for this purpose. Social Security will assist you to the best of their ability – ASK!!

3. Some mortgage companies will ask that you file a Notice of Death of Joint Tenant (or a similar form) in order to reissue the title on your home to your name alone. This requirement will vary from state to state, and many counties provide the appropriate form(s) on the Internet, along with instructions for filing with your local court (you will not need a lawyer for this purpose). While the re-issuance of the Title or Grant Deed in your name does not technically qualify as a “survivor benefit”, should you eventually wish to refinance or sell your home, the transaction will likely be delayed if your deceased husband’s name remains on title. You’ll avoid a whole lot of paperwork entanglements involving your home if you can complete this as soon as is feasible – ASK!!

Are you getting the picture??

Remember, the worst thing that can happen is that you might be told you’re ineligible for that which you are applying – and all entities will give you a reason or reasons as to your ineligibility. You may even choose to appeal if you are wrongfully denied benefits. In any event, don’t merely assume that you aren’t entitled…ASK!!!

Please remember that advice regarding legal or tax ramifications are based upon the opinions of widowswearstilettos.com only and should not be construed as directed advice. An attorney or tax expert of appropriate jurisdiction should be consulted accordingly.

March 2009

CELEBRATE A LIFE IN A BEAUTIFULLY MEANINGFUL WAY

“Every Life is Special

Every Life is Important

Every Life is Celebrated

Every Life is Remembered”

Pam Vetter, a Certified Funeral Celebrant, speaks these beautiful words. Never heard of a “funeral celebrant?” Neither had I - until I met the beautiful Ms. Vetter. She became a funeral celebrant in direct response to the death of her beloved sister.

Imagine wanting to say things at your loved one’s funeral that you are not “allowed” to say – or play music that you are not “allowed” to play; even if you’ve been a member of the church or synagogue for many years! It was that very personal (and in my opinion, horrifying) experience that led Pam to her mission of working with those who truly want to celebrate a life; rather than experience a “cookie cutter, fill-in-the-blanks” funeral service that so many of us have had to endure.

In Pam’s own words, “My life has been changed by the families I meet and the stories I hear. Sharing life stories is a great passion of mine. I remain an advocate for the family's needs and wishes throughout the funeral process. Everyone has a story”.

This concept is so amazing and completely unique…it’s truly one of those things that makes you ask, “where HAS this been?????” Be sure to check out Pam Vetter at www.CelebrantPam.com

FEBRUARY, 2009

As Valentine’s Day approaches, and since it is universally one of the most “dreaded” holidays that widows face, your first tip in this month of hearts – is to GO BACK!

Please scroll down and visit Tips of the Month for February, 2007. Offering great “survival” ideas for Valentine’s Day, our tips can help you turn this into a fun day for you and those around you, using some of the tips offered.

Here’s one more Valentine’s Tip. As I have long taught, we always feel better when we are in service to others. You know, all of the shelters and soup kitchens have lots of volunteers and help during Thanksgiving and Christmas…but what about right now? These places still serve people in need and people in need is a year round reality. Why not take a platter or two of Valentine’s cookies or brownies down to a shelter, a soup kitchen or to the children’s wing of a hospital (with prior permission of course). Valentine’s Day is all about love and that can also include love for our fellow man.

JANUARY 2009

JOIN CAROLE AND WIDOWS WEAR STILETTOS

AT THE FIRST ANNUAL

NATIONAL CONFERENCE ON WIDOWHOOD

JULY 17-19, 2009

SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA

Thousands of you have asked for an event just like this – and here it is! Carole is thrilled to be appearing as a featured speaker and participant at the first annual National Conference on Widowhood, brought to you by our dear friends of the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation. You will have the opportunity to meet and visit with Carole in person, as well as meet other women just like you from all over the world! Read on for the exciting details from Soaring Spirits:

The following is reproduced with the permission of

Soaring Spirits Foundation

Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

National Conference on Widowhood

San Diego, California

July 17-19, 2009

“Celebrating all we have accomplished as we look forward to what we have yet to become.”

The Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation National Conference on Widowhood will offer widows an opportunity to celebrate all they have accomplished while looking forward to what they are yet to become. This event will provide a variety of inspiring role models, a hope-filled, supportive environment, and programs focused on giving women the tools they need to rebuild their lives after the devastating loss of a spouse. By joining our hearts through the shared experience of loss, and encouraging each other to create a life of purpose and joy—we can change the face of widowhood for generations of women to come. Join us in our quest to truly live the life we are given.

Event Details:

Friday July 17, 2009:

Meet Your Match Welcome Reception: This is your opportunity to meet and mingle with other widows as you enjoy light hors d’oeuvres and cocktails.

Outdoor Benefit Concert: Friday evening will conclude with a fantastic variety of artists joining together to perform on a spectacular, outdoor Oceanside stage. All proceeds from the concert will support relief efforts for our sister widows in other countries. Come for a great time, help a worthy cause. Entertainment will be announced as bookings are confirmed.

Saturday July 18, 2009:

General Session: Saturday morning will begin with a gathering unlike any you have ever attended. Standing shoulder to shoulder with widows of all ages, creeds, and circumstances we will come together to celebrate our strength, our love, and to discover our passion. Our keynote speaker will be Michele Neff Hernandez, founder of the WidowsBond website, the Widow Match program, and the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation. Michele will share her insights on the gifts her widowhood has given her through her outreach to widows across the nation. You will head off for your day amazed by the possibilities that lie ahead.

Morning Break-Outs Sessions: With thirty-two sessions, a variety of presenters, and topics that include: how to keep your husband’s memory alive for your children; what the latest information is about estate planning; how to utilize on-line dating sites; a writer’s workshop; scrap booking your husband’s life; ways to discover your passion for life again….and many, many more. There will be a variety of presentations to address the many questions widows face. You choose the sessions that most interest you!

Conference Sponsors Exhibits: This is your chance to meet the presenters and sponsors, check out some great products, network with other widows, and enjoy a picnic lunch on the lawn of the lovely Marriott hotel. PLEASE NOTE THAT IN ADDITION TO SPEAKING, CAROLE WILL ALSO BE APPEARING AT THE EXPO AND WANTS TO MEET ALL OF YOU!

Afternoon Break-Outs Sessions: Here is your next chance to attend the presentation that most appeals to you. Popular sessions will be repeated in the second time block.

An Evening of Celebration: Saturday will conclude with a semi-formal, no date required, awards banquet. At this fabulous sit down dinner you will be introduced to some of the wonderful things women are doing in support of their sister widows. A variety of awards will be presented throughout the evening including: The Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation Inspiration Award, The Widowsbond Vision Award, and a variety of surprise speakers, presentations, and fun. Guaranteed to be an evening you will remember.

Sunday July 19, 2009:

The First Annual Widow Dash 5K Run/Walk: The Grande finale of our weekend will be a 5K run/walk through beautiful downtown San Diego. Put your shoes on and run, or walk, for YOUR life! Proceeds will provide funds for grants to be distributed through the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation to women in the United States who find themselves in financial crisis as a result of their husband’s death. Come be a part of the fun as we change the face of widowhood one stride at a time!

REGISTRATION IS UNDERWAY! Soaring Spirits informs us that the Conference will be advertised across the country and worldwide. Space for the Conference is extremely limited and it is highly recommended that you register as soon as you can for this incredible event. For additional information or for any questions that you may have, please visit www.sslf.org and click on the “Conference” tab at the top of the page. We can’t wait to see you there!

DECEMBER 2008

For so many traveling the healing journey of widowhood, the holidays can be filled with dread, fear…even anger. Because the holidays prove to be the time when WWS is called upon perhaps more than any other time of the year and as is our tradition, we are pleased to present our annual December Tips of the Month:

HOLIDAY IDEAS – NO BAKING REQUIRED!

Many of you have written looking for suggestions on how to “make it through” the holidays and it’s no wonder – this is without a doubt, the most difficult time of year for you. Try some – or all of – the following suggestions that will hopefully help make your holiday season one of peace and comfort.

v Go to the December Monthly Newsletter on the website and read it thoroughly.

v Go back and read it again.

v Get out of the house! You don’t have to go to a party or anywhere near a mall – just get OUT! Bundle up and walk around your neighborhood. Get into the car and drive around to see the lights. Head to your local coffee house, treat yourself a holiday coffee blend (pumpkin spice, peppermint or cinnamon are big favorites of ours) and just enjoy the beauty of this time of year.

v If you can’t bear the thought of being in your home without your husband this year, switch it up and have a destination holiday! If you live in a cold weather area, explore a warmer climate this December – for example, in December, 2003, Kendall and I went on a “dolphin safari” and on December 21, we were in the middle of the Pacific Ocean in a pod of over 400 dolphin – imagine that! Conversely, if you are like us in Southern California who don’t get to experience a “White Christmas” (except with the song or the manmade snow and skating rinks that malls bring in), take off to where the snow is (but check the weather to make sure that you can get there and get home!). Many hotels offer wonderful deals at this time of year – check out some of them.

v Oftentimes, we feel better when we are of service to others. Not only does it help us “get outside” of ourselves for a little while, it also reminds us of the many blessings that DO exist in our own lives. This is a wonderful time to volunteer your talents, your services or just a little bit of your time to:

o Soup kitchens, homeless shelters or other organizations that are helping to clothe, feed and shelter the less fortunate;

o Hospitals – both for children and adults. Contact your local hospitals and see what programs are available to help cheer those who are dealing with illness at this time of year.

o Convalescent or assisted living homes. Sadly, many of the elderly are forgotten during the holidays and just a simple visit from someone who cares will bring warmth to their hearts – and to yours!

o Adopt a family! So many families are in the position of not being able to afford the “extras”, including holidays for their children. The a gift of a tree, stockings filled with candy, or a gift certificate to a local grocery store for a holiday dinner are all wonderful ways to help a family celebrate (and this is even more fun when it’s done anonymously!

NOVEMBER 2008

YOUR FINANCIAL FOLLY CAN FINALLY BE FINISHED!!

There’s no argument – we are living in tense and troubled financial times – likely compounded by the fact that you are a widow. But when you hear words like “financial planning” or “budgeting” or the dreaded phrase “credit card debt”…what’s your initial reaction? Do you glaze over as though you’re watching cement dry? Do you want to run away screaming? Is hearing financial advice from your Great Uncle Fred or the buttoned-up corporate guru sitting behind a desk the very LAST thing you need?

You’re in luck!

Stop what you’re doing right now and check out “On My Own Two Feet” (Adams Media); the “one stop” financial “bible” for all WWS Wonder Women! Billed as the “modern girls’ guide to personal finance”, this fun and informative book is written for women just like YOU and is written in an easy-to-understand and “user friendly” format. Written by my good friend, the wonderfully witty Manisha Thakor, MBA, CFA and Sharon Kedar, MBA, CFA, both of whom are graduates of Harvard Business School, these two talented authors and financial experts know exactly where you are right now and exactly what you need to gain financial peace. After everything that you’ve been through, you deserve to get on the right financial track and this book will help you do it – plus it’s a fun read! “On My Own Two Feet” is available at all major retailers, as well as at www.amazon.com. Visit www.onmyowntwofeet.com for further details.

HELP AND SUPPORT FOR MILITARY WIDOWS

For those of you who are widows of spouses who served in the military, we are delighted to introduce you to our friends at www.Americanwidowproject.org. This site has an incredible wealth of information and support for you – everything from the handling of personal effects to additional resources to help you through this most painful transition in your life. You will also be able to network with other military widows and share your stories. Be sure to visit them soon – just like Widows Wear Stilettos, they are ready and waiting to help!

OCTOBER, 2008

HELP AND SUPPORT FOR MILITARY WIDOWS

SEPTEMBER 2008

TIPS OF THE MONTH – AUGUST, 2008

CELEBRATE WIDOWS WEAR STILETTOS’

SECOND ANNIVERSARY

WITH A FREE GIFT FROM CAROLE!

It’s our second anniversary at Widows Wear Stilettos and Carole wants to honor it with all of you. In recognition of Widows Wear Stilettos’ second anniversary, the first 50 people who purchase their CD, “Widows Wear Stilettos: What Now?” in the month of September will win a FREE 30 minute personal telephonic one-on-one coaching session with Carole! You will have Carole all to yourself and you will be able to ask her anything that you want or talk over anything that is on your mind. Remember, the coaching session will be awarded to the first 50 people who order their CD in the month of September. You will be notified by email if you are one of the winners.

Don’t wait – these free gifts are usually gone within the first 24 to 48 hours of the month!! Be sure to visit the “Products and Services” page here on the site to order your “Widows Wear Stilettos: What Now?” CD.

**Note: Previous winners are ineligible

WIDOWS WEAR STILETTOS and CAROLE BRODY FLEET RECEIVE

2008 EMBRACE LIFE AWARD

from STATE FARM INSURANCE COMPANIES

We are honored and delighted to announce that Carole and Widows Wear Stilettos were selected to receive the 2008 Embrace Life Award from State Farm Insurance Companies.

State Farm Insurance, the largest insurance company in North America, created the Embrace Life Awards program in 2004 to raise awareness for women on how preparing for the future today can help protect families' hopes and dreams for tomorrow. During the past four years, the Embrace Life Awards also uncovered heroic stories of perseverance and personal sacrifice of people that bettered their families and communities.

As 2008 marked the fifth anniversary of the Embrace Life Awards program, State Farm revised and expanded the program; encouraging nominations from both men and women, and recognizing a total of 13 honorees selected from across the United States and Canada.

Asked to share her feelings upon receiving the award, Carole said that, “This is an incredible honor; not only for me and my family, but for the entire Widows Wear Stilettos team and for the women that we are privileged to represent. It is also a wonderful tribute to the late Michael Fleet, Sr., whose legacies of love and service to others live on today. I am so grateful to State Farm for helping us reach the millions who need us and to enable us to continue to shine that ‘spotlight’ on all of the women that Widows Wear Stilettos is dedicated to helping”.

Now it is your turn. Have you or someone you know overcome tremendous obstacles and challenges brought about by the loss of a spouse or parent and gone on to “embrace life” and help others? If so, State Farm wants to hear your story – and who knows? It could be YOU that we are celebrating next year! For more information on the Embrace Life Awards program and honorees, and to see pictures of this year’s honorees and Awards gala, please visit www.sfembracelifeawards.com

AUGUST 2008

NOTE: DUE TO OVERWHELMING READER RESPONSE AND FOR THE BENEFIT OF OUR NEW MEMBERS, THE FOLLOWING “TIP” IS REPEATED FROM AUGUST, 2007

WHEN “GOING AWAY” MEANS “LEAVING HOME”

Since the loss of their father, your child’s sense of security has been shaken. There home life has been upended. There is a very real underlying fear of losing you as well, and the rationale is oftentimes, “if I don’t leave, nothing will happen to Mom or to my family”.

Guilt. Your child may feel as though he is “deserting” you by leaving you all by yourself – and they may feel that way even if there are siblings at home.

Sadness. Whether it has been years or just a short time, your child may still be the early stages of mourning the loss of their father (Kendall was still grappling with the “early” stages of grief years after her father’s death).

Lack of control. Your child may feel as though they have no control over their lives or their destiny. Like it or not, they feel as though they “have” to continue with life and that continuance includes school, activities, etc…even if they feel just too overwhelmed to do so.

How can you help?

1) STOP! Pay attention to your child. Does your child appear reluctant to leave home? Does he /she demonstrate a distinct lack of enthusiasm or disdain for the upcoming activity or departure?

2) LOOK! Does he procrastinate when it comes to packing or taking care of “have-to’s”? Has her general behavior become moody or sullen?

3) LISTEN! Is she saying things like, “I don’t really have to go Mom”, or, “how will you manage without me”?

JULY 2008

SUMMERTIME SIZZLE – BE SMART!

Summertime is upon us! It’s time to enjoy being outside; be it

at a beach or in your own backyard - and being outside does wonders for your mental and emotional health too!

We want you to enjoy the summer months; however, we also want you to be safe and smart too.

Despite all of the education and preventatives out there, skin cancer continues to be the fastest growing cancer in terms of diagnosed occurrences per year. Skin cancer is the most common of all cancers and it accounts for nearly half of all cancers in the United States. More than 1 million cases of non-melanoma skin cancer are found in this country each year and most are sun-related. The American Cancer Society estimates that approximately 60,000 new cases of skin cancer will be diagnosed in the United States this year – and that’s 60,000 too many.

To help keep you and your children safe, we are pleased to provide the reminders on how to be sun-smart: Many thanks to our good friends at the American Cancer society for providing the following information to us.

The best ways to lower the risk of skin cancer are to avoid intense sunlight for long periods of time and to practice sun safety. You can continue to enjoy the outdoors while practicing sun safety at the same time:

Avoid the sun between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.
Seek shade: Look for shade, especially in the middle of the day when the sun's rays are strongest. Practice the shadow rule and teach it to children. If your shadow is shorter than you, the sun’s rays are at their strongest.
Slip on a shirt: Cover up with protective clothing to guard as much skin as possible when you are out in the sun. Choose comfortable clothes made of tightly woven fabrics that you cannot see through when held up to a light.
Slop on the sunscreen: Use sunscreen and lip balm with a sun protection factor (SPF) of 15 or higher. Apply a generous amount of sunscreen (about a palmful) and reapply after swimming, toweling dry, or perspiring. Use sunscreen even on hazy or overcast days. Most of us don’t use enough sunscreen – it’s time to start!
Wear a hat: Cover your head with a wide-brimmed hat, shading your face, ears, and neck. If you choose a baseball cap, remember to protect your ears and neck with sunscreen.
Wear sunglasses with 99% to 100% UV absorption to provide optimal protection for the eyes and the surrounding skin.
Follow these practices to protect your skin even on cloudy or overcast days. UV rays travel through clouds.
Avoid other sources of UV light. Tanning beds and sun lamps are dangerous because they can damage your skin.

Remember that the only “safe” tan comes from a bottle or a spray booth. There is no such thing as a “safe” tan – a tan sustained from the sun or from a tanning bed is skin damage! With the proliferation of truly wonderful sunless tanners available for all skin tones and types (ranging in price from $3.96 at Wal-Mart on up to “luxury prices” at the department stores and at health spas), there is NO reason to “bake” yourself into something resembling a saddlebag – or worse yet, wind up in the doctor’s office.

Please do see your doctor if you notice any of the following:

Any change on the skin, especially in the size or color of a mole or other darkly pigmented growth or spot, or a new growth;
Scaliness, oozing, bleeding, or change in the appearance of a bump or nodule;
The spread of pigmentation beyond its border such as dark coloring that spreads past the edge of a mole or mark;
A change in sensation, itchiness, tenderness, or pain

Even if none of the above symptoms are present, if you are someone who is prone to or has multiple moles, make sure that you have a “mole check” once a year.

Be smart, be safe and be SIZZLING this summer!

JUNE, 2008

TO LIFE!! (INSURANCE THAT IS)

Many are the young widows who not only suffer the loss of a loved one, but the loss of significant income to their households as well. Sadly, many more widows were left with either insufficient life insurance or no life insurance at all. Let’s face it, our discomfort with discussing death can take precedence over common sense…and it’s just plain common sense to have a SOLID life insurance policy (or policies) for those that you leave behind.

Consider this a quick reminder to make sure that YOU have sufficient life insurance to protect your family – this is necessary for everyone and absolutely NON-NEGOTIABLE if you have children. The kindest thing that you can do for your loved ones is to see to their comfort and well-being…don’t be so uncomfortable with the subject of “finances and finalities” that you neglect to do so!

WILD WOMEN TRAVEL -

Most people feel like “getting away from it all” once in awhile…but perhaps no one deserves it more than YOU – someone who has been through the challenge of their lifetime and deserves to pay attention to herself.

Our good friends at Wild Women Travel (a subsidiary of San Diego Travel Group) are here and ready to help! Whether you’re interested in a weekend cruise or a full-out getaway to some of the most incredible places in the world; whether your idea of fun is relaxing on a beach or biking, hiking and marathon-ing amongst the wonders of the world; from spa retreats to spectacular cruises and everything in between…Wild Women Travel can help YOU! Featuring “Girlfriend Getaways” the experts at WWT are knowledgeable, compassionate, thoroughly professional and a ton of fun to work with. Regardless of where you’re located, Wild Women Travel is waiting to help you with your travel needs. For further information or questions, email Connie Thompson (cthompson@sdtg.com) or Shirley Braunlich (sbraunlich@sdtg.com) and be sure to tell them that you’re a member of Widows Wear Stilettos!

TIPS OF THE MONTH – MAY, 2008

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

(…and if you’re in California, we seem to have skipped spring and headed straight into summer!)

How about some quick beauty and fashion tips to help you feel great fast!

1. Brighten up your room with fresh flowers; which you can get inexpensively at a wholesaler or at your grocery store. Treat yourself to a spring bouquet (which last longer) and place them in the room where you spend the most time. Your mood will brighten every single time you walk into that room!

2. The same goes for candles. There really is something to be said for aromatherapy – when I have candles going with my very favorite scents (Glade® Apple Cinnamon and any candle that smells like pumpkin), my mood automatically lifts. What’s your most favorite scent – chances are that there’s a candle to go with it. Just like flowers, candles don’t have to be expensive; there are wonderful scents available at your local grocery store or discount retailer.

3. Treat YOU! Not too many of us can afford an entire new spring wardrobe – but what about a blouse, a pair of jeans, or a cute new handbag or a fabulous new pair of shoes (all of which can be gotten inexpensively). This season, COLOR is everywhere – hot blues, vibrant greens, lemon yellow…all are great mood-lifters AND look great on every skin tone. We’re still seeing a lot of oversize handbags, but clutches are also HUGE this season – and many of them have “handles” built in so you’re not “juggling” your purse. And the great news about shoes this season is that no matter your taste, there’s a shoe for you. From sky-high stilettos to ballerina flats; from wedges to gladiator-style sandals, there truly is “something for everyone”!

4. And while you’re paying attention to you, how about “switching up” your look a little bit? When was the last time that you had a professional manicure or pedicure? Choose a wonderful color; perhaps one that you’ve never tried before (note: red, pink, hot orange and the “French” are THE popular colors this season) and show off wonderful YOU! When was the last time you did something different to or with your hair? No, don’t go cutting it all off or going platinum if you’re dark brown…but how about some highlights – or perhaps a headband; another hot accessory for spring. The ponytail also continues to be very popular for both day and evening. Just a little tiny change goes such a long way to refresh and renew (two of my very favorite words…well, besides “shopping” and “shoes”).

5. Want to lose five pounds fast? Get a tan! No, not THAT kind of tan; you don’t need to look like a saddlebag or otherwise endanger your own health. Instead, get yourself a self-tanning cream or gel or mousse or spray – you can even visit a spray-on booth at a salon. Happily, we are living in a day and age where the “fake and bakes” look just as real as if you had spent a week in Tahiti…and are much kinder to your skin! And since a tan covers up all kinds of flaws…five pounds will disappear in a flash!

Remember - when you take the time to pay just a little bit of attention to you and to your environment, your spirit and your mood are going to naturally lift – go ahead and give it a try!

**Please note: Answers to questions regarding legal or tax ramifications are based upon the opinions of widowswearstilettos.com only and should not be construed as directed advice. An attorney or tax expert of appropriate jurisdiction should be consulted accordingly.

TIPS OF THE MONTH – APRIL, 2008

DON’T ASSUME – ASK!

Because tax season is upon us, we are repeating a portion of Tips of the Month from October, 2006 for you to help you better prepare for April 15^th.

· You are young (i.e., not “retirement” age);

· You are a working mother (and therefore have some kind of income);

· You weren’t married very long;

· Too much time has passed since your husband’s death;

· You don’t have children.

Did you know that:

Are you getting the picture??

TIPS OF THE MONTH – MARCH, 2008

LIVE AND LAUGH!

One of the most difficult elements on the healing journey is not only learning to laugh again, but also understanding that it’s perfectly OK to laugh again! I learned this lesson almost a year after the death of my husband; thanks to the genius (and patience) of comedian, actor and dearest friend, Bobby Slayton – and it’s a lesson that I’ve continued to teach to this day.

IT IS OKAY TO LAUGH AGAIN!

Why not take an evening, grab a friend and head out to your local comedy club. There are comedy clubs everywhere and hundreds of stand-ups performing every night. Not quite up to going out just yet? That’s OK too - have a “Comedy Night” at home! Rent a couple of comedy DVD’s and enjoy the antics of Chris Rock, Lewis Black, Robin Williams, Denis Leary, Whoopi Goldberg….or go “back in time” a bit to Steve Martin and George Carlin. And one of my very favorite compilations is the Johnny Carson collection – priceless! Don’t forget the popcorn and Red Vines!

P.S. If you live in or are visiting the Las Vegas area, Bobby Slayton is currently headlining the Hooters Hotel / Casino at the south end of the famous Las Vegas Strip. His raw, honest and hilarious brand of comedy is not for the faint of heart (or for the easily offended) – but you will leave his show smiling! Tell him Carole Brody Fleet sent you – and then wait to see how he responds (that alone will make you laugh!)

TIPS OF THE MONTH – FEBRUARY, 2008

As Valentine’s Day approaches, and since it is universally one of the most “dreaded” holidays that widows face, your first tip in this month of hearts – is to GO BACK!

CELEBRATE A LIFE IN A BEAUTIFULLY MEANINGFUL WAY

“Every Life is Special

Every Life is Important

Every Life is Celebrated

Every Life is Remembered”

This concept is so amazing and completely unique…it’s truly one of those things that makes you ask, “where HAS this been?????” Be sure to check out Pam Vetter at www.CelebrantPam.com

TIPS OF THE MONTH – JANUARY, 2008

UNDERCOVER ANGEL – SHE’S AMAZING!

Need a wonderful story of hope and inspiration to start your year off right? Get ready to be inspired by one of the best true stories ever…the story of a woman who in her own words, went, “from beauty queen to SWAT team”. Lisa Lockwood tells her story of how she “stops at nothing to prove herself in the ‘Boys Club’ of law enforcement”. In her book, Lisa teaches how to pursue the career of your dreams (despite what ANYONE else says); how to overcome your challenges to reach success; how to rise above the limits of your childhood…and so much more! Having had the privilege of meeting this remarkable woman, I can attest that she is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Check out Lisa and her book, “Undercover Angel: From Beauty Queen to SWAT Team – A True Story” at: www.lisalockwood.com

TIPS OF THE MONTH – DECEMBER, 2007

For so many traveling the healing journey of widowhood, the holidays can be filled with dread, fear…even anger. Because we have welcomed so many new members this year and because the holidays prove to be the time when WWS is called upon perhaps more than any other time of the year, we are repeating a portion of the Tips of the Month from December, 2006:

HOLIDAY IDEAS – NO BAKING REQUIRED!

v Go to the Monthly Newsletter on the website (December, 2006) and read it thoroughly.

v Now go back and read it again.

o Soup kitchens, homeless shelters or other organizations that are helping to clothe, feed and shelter the less fortunate;

o Hospitals – both for children and adults. Contact your local hospitals and see what programs are available to help cheer those who are dealing with illness at this time of year.

TIPS OF THE MONTH – NOVEMBER, 2007

YOUR FINANCIAL FOLLY CAN FINALLY BE FINISHED!!

*When you hear words like “financial planning” or “budgeting” or the dreaded phrase “credit card debt”…what’s your initial reaction? Do you glaze over as though you’re watching cement dry? Do you want to run away screaming? Is hearing financial advice from your Great Uncle Fred or the buttoned-up corporate guru sitting behind a desk the very LAST thing you need?

You’re in luck!

Stop what you’re doing right now and check out “On My Own Two Feet” (Adams Media); the “one stop” financial “bible” for all WWS Wonder Women! Billed as the “modern girls’ guide to personal finance”, this fun and informative book is written for women just like YOU and is written in an easy-to-understand and “user friendly” format. Written by the wonderfully witty Manisha Thakor, MBA, CFA and Sharon Kedar, MBA, CFA, both of whom are graduates of Harvard Business School, these two talented authors and financial experts know exactly where you are right now and exactly what you need to gain financial peace. After everything that you’ve been through, you deserve to get on the right financial track and this book will help you do it – plus it’s a fun read! “On My Own Two Feet” is available at all major retailers, as well as at www.amazon.com. Visit www.onmyowntwofeet.com for further details.

TIPS OF THE MONTH – OCTOBER, 2007

HELP YOURSELF…AND HELP OTHERS TOO!

Two absolutely awesome organizations are in the WWS spotlight this month:

HELP YOURSELF

* It is my distinct pleasure to introduce the newest friends of WWS…the Blue Thong Society (no, not THAT kind of thong!). BTS is a fantastic organization dedicated solely to the empowerment of women and a visit to their website at www.bluethongsociety.com will have you smiling in a second!

BTS has announced their Second Annual “Fight Frump” Cruise; taking place on April 14-19, 2008, and I am delighted to be included as one of the speakers participating in this exciting event. This five-day cruise and conference will encompass everything from dynamic workshops to a private on-board cocktail party to two days in-port in Cabo San Lucas and Ensenada (and the price includes all of your on-board meals, entertainment and workshops!). However, this is more than “just a cruise” - most importantly, this is an amazing opportunity for you to be able to surround yourself with the love, support and education that you so need and deserve.

For more information on BTS and the upcoming conference / cruise, including pricing information and itinerary, please visit www.bluethongsociety.com and click on the cruise link at the top of the page. You can also call 866-225-8012 or email your questions to BTS@wildwomentravel.com.

HELP OTHERS IN NEED

*October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and our good friends at DesignHerGals.com are doing something absolutely amazing…a Virtual Walk! If haven’t yet heard of Design-Her-Gals, you are in for a huge treat! Do you remember how much fun you had playing “dress up” as a young girl? How would you like to be able to do it again – except this time, you can dress yourself up and have your image on everything from business cards to invites, stationery…even t-shirts!

At DesignHerGals.com, you’ll start in a “dressing room” and build a “gal” to your exact specifications. You choose eye color and shape, skin tone, hairstyle, length and color – you can even choose a breast cancer headscarf! You then move on to choosing outfits and accessories of every sort – and “accessories” aren’t just limited to jewelry and shoes! You can “accessorize” with everything from pets to pom-poms; martinis to margaritas…it’s all there.

Best of all is that while you’re having fun playing dress up and designing your own “gal”, you’ll be helping women in need. DesignHerGals.com and their non-profit Gal-to-Gal Foundation are dedicated to raising funds and awareness for those diagnosed with Stage IV cancer, and a portion of every order goes straight to that foundation. Widows Wear Stilettos is proud to feature designs from Design-Her-Gals throughout our organization.

Design Her Gals’ goal is one-million “walkers” in the month of October – let’s help them get it done! Visit www.designhergals.com to join the Virtual Walk, have a lot of fun and in the process, you’ll be helping others in need…and I promise that you’ll feel better for doing so!

HALLOWEEN SAFETY

As you and your children venture out on Halloween night, we at WWS want to remind you of the following safety rules:

1. ALWAYS accompany your child when trick-or-treating….ALWAYS!!! Carry a flashlight while walking.

1. Make sure that your child’s vision is not obstructed by a mask.

2. All costumes should be flame-retardant and should not impede your child’s ability to walk safely. Cinderella gowns and scary ghosts are great; however, make sure that hems come no lower than the child’s ankle.

3. This is one of those few times where high heels are not appropriate! Make sure that your child is wearing a flat, weatherproof shoe to prevent slipping and falling.

4. No eating candy while out and about…not even “just one taste”. Thoroughly inspect all candy and goodies upon returning home (and in our home, anything opened or unwrapped got tossed).

5. Remember, in the battle of car vs. pedestrian, the pedestrian will always lose. Do not cross a street suddenly or dart out from between parked cars – and make sure that your child’s costume (and your clothing as well) is easily visible by drivers. If you’re driving on Halloween night….SLOW WAY DOWN!!

TIPS OF THE MONTH – SEPTEMBER 2007

AWESOME AUTUMN HAS ARRIVED!!

Well, almost…

Autumn is my absolute favorite time of year…the air gets that “crisp” feel to it; there’s a scent of woodsmoke in the air – and most importantly, autumn marks the return of football season! Time to get out our fabulous sweaters and boots (which I cannot WAIT to wear) and enjoy this season. This is also a very busy time of year; what with kids going back to school, updating everybody’s wardrobe FOR back to school (and don’t forget your own wardrobe!) and starting to at least mentally prepare for the holiday “trifecta” of Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas / Hanukah / Kwanzaa that will be here before we know it.

What’s on our radar for autumn?

1. Fashion is so beautiful this fall. Metallics are definitely still everywhere and are being worn even in the daytime. Shoes, handbags and even makeup include beautiful golds, bronzes and silver palettes. Neutrals are still hot this fall, but the big colors for fall are burgundy and plum, which are so rich and yummy looking – also good on just about every skin tone. Boots are a must for this season and the good news is that they are now being shown in every heel and shaft height for every occasion imaginable – from “booties” to over-the-knee (super hot!); from flats to spike-heel to wedge.

2. The smoky eye still rules the runways and don’t be afraid to use colors other than gray or black…try a navy blue or forest green around the eye. And the big news on lips this season is RED, RED RED. The good news is that there is a red suitable for everyone; regardless of skin tone. If you’re a little intimidated by red lipstick, try a red lip gloss or lip stain instead…these formulas tend to be a little less intense.

3. Now that we have you looking great…how about some awesome autumn “comfort food”. Following are a couple of quick “fall” recipes that you and your family will love!

TIPS OF THE MONTH - AUGUST, 2007

WHEN “GOING AWAY” MEANS “LEAVING HOME”

Since the loss of their father, your child’s sense of security has been shaken. Their home life has been upended. There is a very real underlying fear of losing you as well, and the rationale is oftentimes, “if I don’t leave, nothing will happen to Mom or to my family”.

Guilt. Your child may feel as though he is “deserting” you by leaving you all by yourself – and they may feel that way even if there are siblings at home.

Sadness. Whether it has been years or just a short time, your child may still be the early stages of mourning the loss of their father (Kendall was still grappling with the “early” stages of grief years after her father’s death).

Lack of control. Your child may feel as though they have no control over their lives or their destiny. Like it or not, they feel as though they “have” to continue with life and that continuance includes school, activities, etc…even if they feel just too overwhelmed to do so.

How can you help?

1) STOP! Pay attention to your child. Does your child appear reluctant to leave home? Does he /she demonstrate a distinct lack of enthusiasm or disdain for the upcoming activity or departure?

2) LOOK! Does he procrastinate when it comes to packing or taking care of “have-to’s”? Has her general behavior become moody or sullen?

3) LISTEN! Is she saying things like, “I don’t really have to go Mom”, or, “how will you manage without me”?

TIPS OF THE MONTH – JULY, 2007

“IN THE SUMMERTIME…”

Welcome to summertime! A lot of you are asking for “refresh and renew” summertime tips and since Kendall and I are “California Girls”, we’re happy to share some of our favorites:

v Grab a Beach Boys CD and “blast” it!! It doesn’t matter where you live in this country, when you put on a Beach Boys CD, turn it up to approximately two points past pain and listen to, “I Get Around” or “Fun Fun Fun” or “Help Me Rhonda” or any of their other two zillion great songs, you are automatically transformed into a Beach Baby. It’s also impossible to sit still or be sad! Dance around, sing at the top of your lungs – and if someone sees you…who cares!!!!

v Move your cooking outdoors. Who doesn’t love barbequed hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken or steaks? My personal favorite is shish kabob, made with steak chunks, onion and green bell pepper and served over a bed of rice. Don’t forget corn on the cob, a fantastic salad and some watermelon or cantaloupe. Even if your evening meal consists of a stop at Fried Chicken Charlie’s, eating outdoors is an incredible mood boost…try it! (…and now I’m really hungry!)

v Go someplace that involves a body of water. Yes I know, it might be a little easier for those of us on a coast or near a lake, but even if the only access to water that you have is the local YMCA or high school swimming pool…GO! Just being near water is so therapeutic and relaxing…and water plus a little bit of sun equals a body that rests better at night. (P.S. - don’t forget LOTS of sunscreen!).

v Summer fashion is nothing short of fabulous. On our fashion radar, we see:

· Shorts of every kind. Short-shorts (no, not Daisy Dukes!) with cuffed hems as well as Bermuda and capri length and worn with every style of shoe imaginable – from ballet flats to sky-high stilettos to wedges of every kind. You can even wear shorts out at night with a high heel or wedge and because you’re wearing shorts, you won’t feel quite as vulnerable to a wardrobe malfunction as you might in a mini.

· Printed dresses and shifts; everything from a mod “Pucci-style” print to floral and tropical prints. Long halter dresses as well as flowing baby-doll dresses and tunics are everywhere right now.

· Shoe designer and guru extraordinaire Manolo Blahnik says that this summer, bright colors belong on our feet as well. Look out for shoes in white, yellow, green and even fuchsia! Metallics also remain hot for the season and not just garden-variety gold and silver. Look for metallics in bronze, champagne, brown, gunmetal…such a variety!

· Colors on nails are pale on fingers and anything from super bright pinks to black-red on toes. Cool New Rule: Fingers and toes DON’T have to match…so have some fun!

· Ponytails, headbands and headscarves are quick, easy and inexpensive ways to manage hair; not always easy to do with summer weather elements. Ponytails are being worn low or at the middle of the head…”high ponys” are for cheerleaders.

· Summertime make up is quick and easy…use bronzer or a tinted moisturizer instead of foundation and lip gloss or lip stain instead of lipstick. Stay “glowy” rather than “goopey” with blotting papers to keep shine to a minimum. One of my favorite summertime palettes is bronze and taupe eyeshadow, a peachy-pink blush and pink lip gloss…this is a look that easily goes from day to night. For nighttime, add a bit of dark brown eye pencil smudged around the eye….SO beautiful!

TIPS OF THE MONTH – MAY, 2007

“WIDOW ETIQUETTE - Part II”

TIPS OF THE MONTH – JUNE, 2007

This month, we continue with our “Widow Etiquette” series and address some of the more commonly asked questions by widows that begin with the, “When Is It Appropriate / What Is Appropriate” of widowhood.

Which designation is appropriate for a widow – “Mrs” or “Ms.”?

This is a very common question. Even though it was answered in part at Dear Carole several months ago, the message bears repeating because there are a lot of women feeling hurt out there.

Most people don't realize that the prefix "Ms." was originally designed and intended as a way to address a woman if you didn't know her marital status. “Ms.” is not something that you’re automatically “demoted” to because you’ve been widowed – then again, I've learned that people generally don't know WHAT to do with widows!

I know that many of you have been hurt by those who no longer address you as “Mrs”…or worse yet, you may have been told that it’s not “proper” for you to use “Mrs.” because you’re no longer married.

WRONG!!!!

I recently responded to a reader who had asked this question. Being me, which means that my first concern will always be YOU and whatever makes you comfortable, my answer was a question right back...what title do YOU want to use? I receive designation as both "Ms." and "Mrs." and it has honestly made no difference to me at all. However, those are my feelings – and everyone feels differently.

It is true that you are no longer technically married. However, this comes into play only whenever you have to check off a box on a form. Otherwise, if you feel better being addressed as "Mrs.", then you go right ahead and sign your name that way – it is absolutely proper and correct to do so. You may also feel free to gently correct anyone who addresses you in a manner that you find to be hurtful, by letting them know how you prefer to be addressed.

When is it appropriate to start dating again?

This is another one of those questions that has a really exasperating answer: When you feel that the time is right – the time is right. I personally and very intentionally spent the first year after Mike’s death alone, focusing only on regaining my own health (which had suffered tremendously during Mike’s illness), spending time with my daughter and growing my business. I very deliberately did not date. I did not want to simply meet and go out with someone in order to either avoid the pain of the grief from which I suffered or fill up the huge void that Mike left behind. This timeline worked very well – for me. Others choose to wait longer. I do suggest that the first six months of your widowhood should be spent on YOU – your recovery, your health, your children and finding your way into your new life.

Are holiday celebrations appropriate (celebrating in the home, going to parties, etc.)?

Depending on when death occurred, the holiday may be somewhat subdued, but it should not be ignored entirely. For example, Mike died six days before Christmas and right in the middle of Hanukah. I was baffled as to what was appropriate, so I consulted with our Rabbi. He suggested that we light the Hanukah candles and recite prayers, but that we shouldn’t attend the annual Hanukah party at synagogue. We took quiet walks around the neighborhood looking at all of the Christmas lights and decorations of the season, but did not attend any holiday parties of any kind. We enjoyed a quiet dinner on New Years Eve. These were perfect solutions for me; the holidays were observed, but the gaiety of the season was curtailed.

There are several other good reasons for continuing forward with holiday observances. The most important would be to show your children that life will continue. Younger children in particular will need to know that just because Daddy isn’t in the living room doesn’t mean that Santa Claus or Easter Bunny has forgotten them, or that Hanukah or Kwanzaa shouldn’t be commemorated. The same follows for birthdays, which should be celebrated appropriately, according to the age of the celebrant and the proximity to the death.

Most importantly, tune into you and your children. Don’t feel like any of you have to “celebrate” or be “on” if you don’t feel like it; especially if the proximity of the occasion is very close to when the death occurred. Give yourself (and your children) permission to say “no” to parties, gatherings, or situations where you would be uncomfortable – it’s absolutely all right to do so.

TIPS OF THE MONTH – MAY, 2007

“WIDOW ETIQUETTE”

I’ll bet THAT title made you look twice!

Even though “widow etiquette” may sound like it addresses a bunch of women in black going to high tea, I actually do receive quite a bit of mail that has to do with the “When Is It Appropriate / What Is Appropriate” of widowhood. May Tips of the Month looks at some of the most commonly asked questions; along with answers that I know you’ll find to be helpful:

What are the “requirements” regarding thank-you notes after the funeral?

My answer is going to be admittedly old-school, but that’s me! A short, handwritten thank you note is appropriate in acknowledging floral gifts and funeral arrangements (regardless of whether they were sent directly to your home or to the mortuary for placement at the viewing and / or funeral), gift baskets, gift cards and checks sent to you personally. If a floral arrangement was sent to the mortuary, the mortuary director(s) will generally collect the enclosure cards that come with the flowers and give them to you.

Most charitable and religious organizations will send you a note letting you know that a monetary donation was made to them in your husband’s name. A thank you note to the person making the donation is appropriate, or at the very least, a phone call to say thank you for the donation memorializing your husband. You might also send notes of thanks to the cleric who conducted the funeral service as well as any additional participants (singers, Scripture readers, etc.). You need not send thank-you’s to the mortuary staff unless you feel moved to do so.

You do not need to send a thank-you note for sympathy cards (unless there was a check or a gift card enclosed; the sender needs to know that you received it). You also don’t necessarily need to send a thank-you to people who brought food to your home or performed tasks or errands for you – a quick telephone call is sufficient.

I know that we live in the Grand Age of Email. Sorry, but in this case, you should not use email for thank-you notes. Use an e-card to thank your friend for taking you out to dinner – but not now. Also, I know that many mortuaries offer the pre-printed, fill-in-the-blank thank you’s and I don’t much care for those either. It doesn’t take long to write just a few words of genuine appreciation when someone has taken the time and trouble to remember you and your family. Commit to writing five short notes a day and you’ll be through it in no time.

When is it appropriate to start socializing again?

This is one of those questions that has a most frustrating answer: When you feel that the time is right – the time is right. I personally chose to go very slowly and limited my initial leaving-the-house time to movies with my daughter or a quiet meal with a friend. Later on, I felt more comfortable going “out on the town” with several friends or having people over or going to a comedy club – and boy did it feel good to laugh again!

Please note that in this context, “socializing” is not the same as “dating”. We’ll save that for next time.

How long is it "proper" to wear your wedding ring after your husband dies?

In the “What Is Appropriate” arena, I see this question more than any other. In answer to a WWS visitor who posed this question in February, 2007, please allow me to excerpt my response:

Some widows remove their wedding rings immediately. Others never remove them at all. I personally chose to take “baby steps”, as I did with all aspects of my healing. Several months into my journey, I moved my wedding rings to my right hand. Even though I was moving forward with my life, wearing the rings on my right hand continued to provide me with comfort. I wore my rings on my right hand for about three years after Mike’s passing (and yes, I continued to wear them on my right hand even after I started dating again and subsequently became seriously involved with a man). I removed the rings when I was ready to do so and not one second before. Those rings, along with Mike’s wedding ring are now are put away for my daughter.

There is no “proper” time to take off your rings. There is no “right” or “wrong” and the decision will and must be yours – in other words, do NOT be influenced by the opinions of others, who might even imply that you need to take your rings off in order to “move on”.

There are only two factors that you may wish to consider:

1. Should you eventually meet someone, the presence of rings on your left hand may become a touchy issue at some point; a new man may think that you have been unable to “say good-bye” and are unable to move forward from your husband’s death. As he will need to be sensitive to your feelings and justifications behind your continuing to wear your rings, so then must you be sensitive to his feelings as well.

2. If your engagement and / or wedding rings were heirlooms from your husband’s side of the family, it might be appropriate to at least make the offer to return the rings to his family. They may likely refuse the jewelry, but I believe it to be the proper gesture to make.

Other than these two considerations, if wearing your rings brings you peace, comfort, joy or whatever it is that you seek as you progress on your healing journey – you wear those rings!

How long should I wait before I get rid of my husband’s (clothes, car, personal effects, etc.)?

Again, this is going to be a very personal decision, based upon your personal healing timeline and comfort level. You will wake up one day and make the decision that it’s time. You will have the absolute, without-a-doubt knowing that the time has arrived. I know that sounds simple, but that’s exactly how it happens. If you have children, no one had to tell you that you were in labor the first time; you just knew it. The same rules apply in this case.

I initially didn’t want to get rid of anything that Mike had ever came into contact with, including the dust bunnies under his hospital bed in the living room. Inexplicably, one day I knew that it was time to go into the closet and clean it out. Another day, it was time to take down his awards and accolades from his career and put them away. Still another day, it was time to donate his favorite chair. All of these activities took place over a period of many months, not days and certainly not anytime soon after his death. With time came the absolute knowledge of what should be kept, what should be passed along as heirloom and what needed to either be donated or disposed of altogether.

My one cautionary note is to not make any huge decisions immediately after your husband’s death, i.e., selling a house or moving because it’s too difficult to be in the home that you shared. Such a decision has long-ranging financial ramifications and you will want to wait until things are just a little bit more settled before you make any major moves.

Stay tuned for more “Widow Etiquette” questions and answers next month!

TIPS OF THE MONTH - APRIL, 2007

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

Well, perhaps spring hasn’t quite sprung yet where you live…but spring is on the way! This is a great season of renewal and an awesome time to “freshen up”; both yourself and around the house!

1. Nothing brightens a room like fresh flowers and you can get them inexpensively at a wholesaler or even at your grocery store. Treat yourself to a spring bouquet (which tend to last longer) and place them in a room where you spend a great deal of time. Your mood will brighten every single time you walk into that room!

2. Pick just one closet or one room and clean it out. Just one. You will feel a great sense of accomplishment with just one closet cleanout or room cleanup. I know all about spring-cleaning and all, but just thinking about having to deep-clean an entire house at one time makes my head hurt. I pick just one closet (or at least one at a time!) and clean it out. We operate on the one-year rule…if it hasn’t been worn or used in a year, we keep it for six months more. If it hasn’t been worn or used in that time, we donate it, store it or trash it. Or pick one room and clean it from top to bottom. Add a coat of paint or something simple like a pretty candle votive or inexpensive piece of art. Then take a deep breath and smile!

3. Do something wonderful for just YOU! Can’t afford an entire new spring wardrobe? How about a blouse, or a cute new handbag or a fabulous new pair of shoes (all of which can be gotten inexpensively). Hot this season are oversize straw bags, white bags and just about anything metallic or black and white. On your feet? Wedges are the word – and so comfortable! Wear them with everything…shorts, jeans, skirts of every length.

4. And while you’re paying attention to you, how about “switching up” your look a little bit? When was the last time that you had a professional manicure or pedicure? Choose a wonderful color; perhaps one that you’ve never tried before (note: red is THE spring color for lips and nails this year!) and show off a little bit! When was the last time you did something different to or with your hair? No, don’t go cutting it all off or going platinum if you’re dark brown…but how about some highlights – or perhaps a headband; another hot accessory for spring. Just a little tiny change goes such a long way to refresh and renew (two of my very favorite words…well, besides “shopping” and “shoes”).

5. Want to lose five pounds fast? Get a tan! No, not THAT kind of tan; you don’t need to look like a saddlebag. Get yourself a self-tanning cream or gel or mousse or spray – you can even visit a spray-on booth at a salon. Happily, we are living in a day and age where the “fake and bakes” look just as real as if you had spent a week in Tahiti…and are much kinder to your skin! And since a tan covers up all kinds of flaws…five pounds will disappear in a flash!

When you take the time to pay just a little bit of attention to you and to your environment, your spirit and your mood are going to naturally lift – go ahead and give it a try!

CONGRATULATIONS DESIGN-HER-GALS!!

Widows Wear Stilettos wants to give a great big shout-out and congratulations to our good friends at Design-Her-Gals for being voted number ONE in Fast Company Magazine’s annual Reader Challenge.

If you’ve never heard of Design-Her-Gals, you are in for a huge treat! Do you remember how much fun you had playing “dress up” as a young girl? How would you like to be able to do it again – except this time, you can dress yourself up and have your image on everything from business cards to invites, stationery…even t-shirts!

In trying to design stationery for Widows Wear Stilettos, I ran into quite the dilemma. I needed stationery that like our website, reflected a bright, positive image. Imagine my frustration when all I was presented with were plain, boring “corporate” samples (and absolutely nothing with shoes…the horror!).

Best of all is that while you’re having fun playing dress up and designing your own “gal”, you’ll be helping women in need. DesignHerGals.com is dedicated to raising funds and awareness for Stage IV breast cancer patients through their non-profit foundation and a portion of every order goes straight to that foundation. Ladies, I’m all about women empowering women and what an awesome cause! Widows Wear Stilettos is proud to feature designs from Design-Her-Gals throughout our organization.

Visit www.designhergals.com to have a lot of fun and in the process, you’ll be helping others in need…and I promise that you’ll feel better for doing so!

MARCH, 2007

HOW TO “GET THROUGH” THE “GO THROUGH”

One of the most difficult aspects of widowhood is the “go through” process – when to go through your husband’s things and how to determine what gets kept, what gets packed and stored and what gets donated or disposed of.

The most common question is of course, the “when”. When should you begin to “go through” process? The reason that this is the most common question is that too many of you are being told when you “should” be commencing with the “go through”. So when should you initiate the “go through”? The answer is simple – when you decide that it’s time to start the process You are the one who is in charge of the decision-making; yet it’s very easy to allow yourself to be influenced by those around you who may have decided on your behalf that “it’s time” – whether you feel like it’s time or not.

Your only considerations as to the “when” part of the process have only to do with fulfilling wishes set forth in a Last Will and Testament. You are legally (and in my opinion, morally) obligated to disburse property as set forth in a Will as soon as it is practical and possible to do so. Also, items that should be disposed of (or returned, depending on the items) sooner rather than later are items related to in-home medical care. Aside from those two considerations, it is my strong suggestion that you do not engage in the “go through” process within the first 90 days after your husband’s death; even if you are tempted to do so. Emotions are still running quite high during this time period and you do not want to act hastily out of emotion, only to regret your actions later on.

What should you do about all of the offers of help that you are no doubt receiving. The answer once again is…you do exactly what you want to do. This is truly all about you right now and you have to unselfishly claim that. If you feel like having a friend or two or a household full of people help you with the “go through” , by all means invite the help; particularly if it will make the process easier or give you additional support. However, if you feel as I did; that this is something that you need to do on your own, you must know that it’s fine to feel this way and have no problem whatsoever letting people know that this is something that you must do by yourself – without feeling guilty for doing so!

What about things that you want to donate** or throw away? Believe it or not, there will be things with which you will eventually be able to part –and PLEASE don’t feel guilty about that either! Disposing of worn out clothing or furniture, or donating old exercise equipment that you’ll never use in no way casts aspersion on your marriage or implies disrespect to your husband’s memory – as you move through this process, you’ll find that you’re also keeping plenty of his things as well. And remember the most precious item that you’re keeping – the wonderful memories of your life together that you will “visit’ over and over again!

**Please note: Anything that you do decide to donate to charity is tax deductible. Be sure to itemize your donations carefully, since the IRS requests itemization of anything over $500.00.

FEBRUARY, 2007

VALENTINE’S DAY “SURVIVAL” IDEAS

Although I do not readily admit to powers of clairvoyance, I will bet that I can guess what you’re thinking right about now:

Here we go again….

It seems like we just got done putting away turkey leftovers and gift-wrap and just got the last of the pine needles vacuumed out of our carpeting; being grateful all the while that we survived the holidays – and now we’re staring at yet another difficult time – yet another holiday to get through without a husband. And if it’s at all possible – this holiday is even harder still. Yes, its…

Valentine’s Day

You’re constantly surrounded by The Day of Hearts and Flowers; usually starting on December 26^th… and it is everywhere – in grocery stores, in the lingerie department of your favorite store…heck, there are even Valentine decorations and gift suggestions at The Home Depot (although I never thought in terms of a power saw as a Valentine’s gift…but that’s just me).

In our house, Valentine’s Day was (and still is) an absolutely huge holiday. We decorated, we shopped, we loved surprising one another and we celebrated both as a couple and as a family. It is definitely one of those times where you likely feel your husband’s absence more acutely.

As with the holidays in November and December, many of you are now looking for ideas on how to “make it through” Valentine’s Day. Here are a few of my tried-and-true favorites that will help put a smile on your face and bring peace to your heart:

v Invite a few friends over for a potluck dinner or a Decadent Dessert gathering at your home. Decorate your house and your table for the occasion and include festive drinks, such as champagne with a splash of Chambord (raspberry liqueur), Cosmopolitans, Shirley Temples with lots of maraschino cherries or hot chocolate with pink marshmallows. I also included touches like large crystal brandy snifters filled with red licorice whips, Hershey’s kisses and of course, candy message hearts. Send everyone home with a heart-shaped key-chain, a small heart-shaped picture frame or a few foil-wrapped chocolate hearts in a cellophane bag tied with ribbon as a memento of the evening.

v Slumber parties aren’t just for kids anymore. Have an old-fashioned slumber party – get into your flannel “jammies” with the feet in them and take turns playing with make-up or making fun of some of the articles in Cosmo! Give one another at-home facials (you can get quality facial products at the drugstore without spending a ton of money). Take ridiculous pictures with your digital and make one another promise NEVER to show them to anyone else! Your “Girls Night In” might also feature a couple of romantic-comedy DVD's – my favorites include Love Actually, Pretty Woman and Shirley Valentine – and don’t forget the popcorn, soda and chocolate goodies.

v Treat yourself! I’ll never quit saying this – you deserve to be pampered and treated like the awesome woman that you are and if this means that for the time being, you have to do it yourself – then do it yourself!

o Visit a department store cosmetic counter or have an at-home beauty consultant come in and try a makeover – something completely different, just for fun – and you can generally do this absolutely free of charge.

o Book a mini-massage or a single spa treatment of some kind…these also need not be expensive. You don’t have to go to the Spa Du Jour for an all-day extravaganza (which can be expensive) – do a little research with the Yellow Pages…better still, consult with your girlfriends and see if they have any recommendations.

o When was the last time you took an actual bubble bath instead of just ten minutes in the shower before dashing off to work or to run the kids? Pour yourself a cool glass of your favorite beverage or cocktail; light an aromatherapy candle (Glade apple-cinnamon is the BEST!), add some bath salts and jump in. No interruptions allowed!

v Lastly – don’t be “afraid” of the day. It’s OK to remember your beloved with tears – or with smiles! If it’s not too painful for you to do so, go ahead and re-read old love letters and cards, or look back through photographs. Take a picnic to a favorite place that you shared (only a Californian would suggest a picnic in February!) and enjoy your memories all by yourself. This may sound very solitary or even downright depressing, but you will be surprised at how peaceful you will feel when you allow yourself to remember, rather than work overtime trying to “forget”.

“DO YOU KNOW ANYONE IN MY AREA????”

At Widows Wear Stilettos, we receive many letters starting out with, “I live in thus-and-such city and state – do you know anyone in my area?”

The best way to meet others in your area is to make yourself known! We want to strongly encourage you to post on and check the Message Boards regularly, so that you can meet people in your immediate area and in other areas as well. Most visitors to the Message Boards do include their city, state and email address.

If you have written to Carole personally at Carole@widowswearstilettos.com, your information cannot and will never made public by Carole or by Widows Wear Stilettos. If you are looking to connect with other widows, you too will need to visit the Message Boards separately and post your information for others to see.

A couple of cautionary reminders: Never include your last name, street address, telephone number or other personal identifying information in a public forum – this is for your own protection. Also, never ever respond to ANY solicitations for money. Our fabulous production company regularly monitors the Message Board and if any such postings are seen, they are removed immediately. However if you see such a posting before the webmaster can get to it – please ignore it.

It’s wonderful to see so many friendships being formed through Widows Wear Stilettos and we want to encourage you to continue to reach out to others through the Message Boards.

JANUARY, 2007

HAPPY NEW YEAR – HAPPY NEW YOU!

This is the time of year when we’re all making resolutions of some sort. Why not do something a little different this year. Why don’t we make some resolutions that don’t include losing “ten pounds” (have you noticed that it’s ALWAYS ten pounds!), cutting down on carbs and chocolate (the horror!) cleaning our houses to sparkling perfection (absolutely unattainable!) and the other typical resolutions that we’ve all made in years past. Let’s make some actual, real DO-ABLE resolutions just for us!

This year, I want you to resolve to:

1. Get out! You’ve heard me say this before and I’ll keep right on saying it…getting out beyond your four walls and breathing fresh air does wonders for your mental state. You don’t have to go on five-mile hikes in stretchy pants…just walk around your neighborhood for 10 minutes. Go to a movie. Go get a cup of coffee. Go with a friend, go on your own…just GO! You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel mentally just by stepping off of your front porch.

2. Take a little bit of time every day just for YOU – just a little bit. The time that you are taking to work out, make grocery lists, pay bills, clean the house and / or run the kids does not count as time for you. Yes, I know that you work an 8 hour day and have all kinds of responsibilities on top of an impossible schedule…but I want to you resolve to take 10 to 20 minutes every single day just for you…to be quiet, to spend time with your faith, to jump into the bathtub, to take that walk, to play with face cream – anything that is for you and you alone. Don’t remember how? That means that it’s been too long. Paying attention to you is a necessary step in your continued healing journey and is also the easiest step to overlook or neglect altogether.

3. Make a point to pay one sincere compliment every day to someone that you do not know. Instead of just thinking to yourself that the girl behind the counter at the grocery checkout has beautiful eyes – tell her so! Thank the gal who helps you with a dressing room in the boutique; tell the lady in line at the bank how much you love her purse. Your kind words may be the only nice thing that someone hears in their day. When you put a smile on someone else’s face, you’ll be amazed at how great you feel.

4. Once a month, try one new thing. No, not skydiving…something simple! Try a new restaurant – or perhaps just a new dish at a favorite restaurant. Instead of just politely listening to the “specials”….why not actually try one! Try painting pottery (I tried this and hated it….but at least I tried it and I was laughing all the while because I was so lousy at it!), try wearing a different shade of lip color or eyeshadow; quit eyeing those awesome black over-the-knee boots and try them on! Trying something new, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant goes a long way toward helping you mentally move proactively into a new life. Who knows, you might even wind up buying those over-the-knee boots!

5. This one may be difficult, but I want you to try it anyway. Every single night, before you put head to pillow, I want you to say out loud, one thing that you are grateful for that day. You might be grateful for getting the parking place next to the mall entrance. Perhaps you’re grateful that the electric bill went down (always a cause for celebration in our house). Sometime we’re so busy focusing on what we don’t have, or what we’re missing out on or what’s been taken from us or the otherwise negative things that can happen in the course of our day, that we forget about the blessings – the large and the small – that are a daily part of our lives as well. So as you’re winding down at night, pick out one thing you’re grateful for that day – and then acknowledge it out loud so that you can hear yourself.

Print this out if you have to and keep it in front of you – on the refrigerator, in your car, in your dressing area – wherever you’re going to see it every single day! Take these little tiny positive steps and see what happens.

THE TAX MAN COMETH

This is also the time of year when we begin to – gulp – organize our finances in anticipation of – another gulp – TAX SEASON.

If you have not already done so, be sure that you let your accountant know of your status as a widow. You may be eligible to file under what is referred to as “Preferred Status” with the Internal Revenue Service. This means that your status as a widow will be noted on the return; however, the return will be considered as if you were married; thereby affording you the same tax benefits as if you were married. Your accountant will be able to provide you with additional information. If you were widowed prior to 2006 and you don’t believe that your marital status was noted properly on your return, check with your accountant to see if you are eligible to file an amended return.

DECEMBER, 2006

HOLIDAY IDEAS – NO BAKING REQUIRED!

v Go to the Monthly Newsletter on the website and read it thoroughly.

v Now go back and read it again.

o Soup kitchens, homeless shelters or other organizations that are helping to clothe, feed and shelter the less fortunate;

o Hospitals – both for children and adults. Contact your local hospitals and see what programs are available to help cheer those who are dealing with illness at this time of year.

“LEGAL-ESE” – THE HARDEST LANGUAGE IN THE WORLD**

In reading the letters both on the message board and sent to me personally, I’ve noticed that there are a great many of you who have lost your husbands due to accident or while on the job (including business trips). Under normal circumstances, the navigation of “legal waters” - the terminology, the rules, the regulations and the red tape of it all can be very intimidating. Under your particular set of circumstances, it can also be utterly overwhelming.

As a former member of the legal profession, I feel it absolutely vital to remind you of the following:

1. There is a very finite period of time within which to file a claim for damages or causes of action against a person or people whom you feel may be responsible for the circumstances surrounding or contributing to your husband’s death. This time period is referred to as a “statute of limitations”. While these limitations vary from state to state and from country to country, there is one general common denominator – once the time limit has passed, it has passed - period. If you don’t file within the appropriate time parameters, you may very well forfeit your rights to recovery. For this reason, regardless of how horrible you’re feeling, you must make a careful note of the date on which the accident happened (most commonly referred to as the “date of loss”) and make absolutely sure that you file your claim or complaint within the appropriate period of time. Grieving or feeling too awful to care is unfortunately not a legal excuse to say, “I forgot”.

2. You will likely be contacted by people from “the other side” – an attorney, an insurance company for whomever else was involved in the accident, an insurance company for your husband’s employer, etc. You MUST protect yourself first! Without the proper guidance, you can inadvertently compromise your right to recover monetarily. Speak to absolutely no one that you either did not hire yourself personally or does not personally represent your interests (such as your own insurance company). Ask that all inquiries be put into writing and then turn those inquiries over to your own insurance company and / or your attorney – they will take it from there and keep you advised accordingly. The same applies for anything written that you are asked to sign – unless it’s from someone whom you’ve hired or from your own insurance company, do not sign anything! Turn it over to your attorney or insurance company for their review.

3. Unless the letters “Esq.” follow your last name, don’t merely assume that you know who is or isn’t at fault for the accident, or that you’re in a position to assess that to which you are or are not entitled. Get help! Consult an attorney who specializes in personal injury, medical malpractice, wrongful death or Workers Compensation – most will offer you a free consultation. Side note: If the letters “Esq.” DO happen to follow your last name and even if you happen to specialize in one or more of these areas, the same advice applies - you know what they say about an attorney who represents themselves!

4. If your husband lost his life in the line of duty (such as police, fire, etc), enlist the assistance of your benevolent association or organization. If your husband lost his life in the line of military service, immediately contact the Veterans Administration (www.va.gov) for assistance.

You may be wrestling with guilt at the prospect of seeking monetary compensation for the death of your husband – as if any amount of money will “replace” your husband. Obviously that’s not the case and no one is attempting to assign a monetary value to a human life. However, the fact remains that your husband’s absence may present a financial challenge; either now or in the future. If your husband’s death was as the result of an accident, you owe it to yourself, your children and your household to at least investigate your potential for financial recovery.

**Suggestion regarding legal action and consequences are based upon the information, belief and personal opinions of widowswearstilettos.com only and should not be construed as directed advice. An attorney of appropriate jurisdiction should be consulted accordingly.

NOVEMBER, 2006

GIVING THANKS…AND GETTING THROUGH

Thanksgiving.

Normally a time of festivity, feasting and “fat pants”, this Thanksgiving may instead be filled with sadness or gloom or maybe even outright dread. Particularly if this is your first Thanksgiving without your husband, you may be feeling like:

· What’s there to be thankful for anyway?

· Celebrating is pointless.

· Going through the motions for the sake of the kids, the parents, the distant relatives you see only once a year and / or for the world at large.

· Forgetting the whole thing and staying in bed with Heath Bar Crunch® ice cream (my flavor of choice).

Believe me, I know and understand those feelings and don’t blame you a bit for any or all of them. However, hiding from a holiday doesn’t make it go away and in fact, the “hiding” (or rather, that “creative avoidance” that we’ve talked about) can actually make things worse – because you’re sitting there, morose, with your Heath Bar Crunch®, dwelling on the fact that “he’s not here”….still.

Here instead, are a few tips to help you not only get through the day, but maybe – just maybe – even enjoy it as well:

1. If you’re celebrating Thanksgiving in your home and you’re the chef, or you’re going someplace where you’re expected to bring something, make a dish that was your husband’s favorite – or perhaps a dish that he himself made! You know that green bean casserole with the fried onion topping that has about 80 jillion calories, no real redeeming nutritional value and is sinfully delightfully DELICIOUS? That’s the dish that my Michael made every year. So, regardless of whatever else is on the table on Thanksgiving Day, his green bean casserole (made either by myself or by Kendall) is on the table as well. As crazy as this may sound, you will be so surprised at how much comfort something as simple as a favorite dish or dessert will bring to you.

2. Just about all families have the tradition where you go around the table and everyone remarks on that for which they’re thankful. You can switch this up a little bit and share a funny story about your husband and the holidays. Lift a glass and propose a toast – with his favorite drink of course. Remember, it’s OK to smile; even if that smile is through tears

3. If tradition is just too painful right now, don’t be afraid to switch it up! If Thanksgiving was always at your house, let someone else host this year at their home. Perhaps going to a favorite restaurant that is serving Thanksgiving dinner is an alternative for you. There’s nothing wrong with doing something different this year – or perhaps even introducing a new tradition.

Above all else remember this…though it may not feel like it this minute, you DO have reason to be thankful. Stop and take a moment to think about for that which you are thankful – your health, your family, your home – and most of all, that you had the love of a wonderful man…something that very many people in the world never get to know.

TO LIFE!! (INSURANCE THAT IS)

Consider this a quick reminder to make sure that YOU have sufficient life insurance to protect your family – this is necessary for everyone and absolutely NON-NEGOTIABLE if you have children. I’ve even taken the step of discussing all financial details with my daughter. Should anything happen to me, she won’t have to go on a scavenger hunt for information, nor will she miss out on any benefits because she didn’t know about that to which she is entitled. You would obviously have to take your child’s age into consideration before having such a discussion, and if your children are too young….discuss it with SOMEONE!!!

The kindest thing that you can do for your loved ones is to see to their comfort and well-being…don’t be so uncomfortable with the subject of “finances and finalities” that you neglect to do so!

October 2006

DON’T ASSUME – ASK!!

You are young (i.e., not “retirement” age);
You are a working mother (and therefore have some kind of income);
You weren’t married very long;
Too much time has passed since your husband’s death;
You don’t have children.

Did you know that:

Are you getting the picture??

HAVE FUN…HELP OTHERS

In trying to design business cards for myself, I ran into quite the dilemma. I needed cards that like our website, reflected a bright, positive image. Imagine my frustration when all I was presented with were plain, boring “corporate” business card samples (and no shoe logos…the horror!!!).

Best of all is that while you’re having fun playing dress up and designing your own personalized stationery, you’ll be helping women in need. DesignHerGals.com is dedicated to raising funds and awareness for Stage IV breast cancer patients through their non-profit foundation and a portion of every order goes straight to that foundation. Ladies, I’m all about women empowering women and what an awesome cause! People are also bowled over by my business cards – because they look exactly like me (including the shoes!!!).

September 2006

WHEN BACK-TO-SCHOOL AND “BACK-TO-BED” COLLIDE

Do you have a child just starting or returning to school this month? Many of us do and amidst all of the craziness shopping for just the right clothes and myriad school supplies, this too may be a difficult and emotional time for you and your child. Your child may be off to kindergarten; signaling one of his very first forays into independence…or perhaps she’s beginning her senior year of high school (as is the case in our home this year). Whether elementary school age, entering middle school or on the brink of adulthood, age is of little consequence…a milestone is occurring without Daddy, and it hurts.

Regardless of your child’s age, there will be a general reluctance to leave you and their home – even for a short period of time. Your child may seem particularly moody, irritable or just plain sad. They may lack any interest in school and appear to be disinterested in friends and activities. At the root of all of this of course, is fear. Reassure your child that you are going to be just fine and that you and Daddy are very proud of them. Give your child something to look forward to at the end of their first day or week at school – perhaps a trip to the park or for ice cream for younger children; out to a movie or for a burger with your teen.

As always, create an environment in which your child will feel comfortable confiding their feelings to you. Remind them that while Daddy isn’t physically here, he will always be with them and a part of them. If they seem reluctant to participate in normal school activities (this might be anything from extracurricular sports to something as simple as recess), ask them what they believe their dad would have wanted. When asked to think about it for a moment, they will see that Dad wanted them to move forward with their lives – and that includes all aspects of school as well as their activities.

SINGLE IN SEPTEMBER

Was your husband among the 98% of the male population that are ardent football fans? In addition to “Back-to-School” season, September also marks the return of football season. Perhaps that instead of listening to your friends make jokes about being “football widows”, you actually ARE a widow – and it’s not at all funny. Even those of us who are ourselves football fans (this author among them) find it difficult to enjoy the games in the same way without our husband there to watch with us, cheer along (or against!) us, make bets with and fight over which pizza toppings to order.

Football fan or not, you can still enjoy this time of year and remember your husband with a smile at the same time. When your husband’s “team” is playing (and ALL men who are football fans have a “team”) plan a small Saturday afternoon (for college ball), a Sunday afternoon or Monday Night Football gathering at your house, featuring some of your husband’s favorite snacks or drinks. Did your husband have a t-shirt or jersey from his favorite team? Display it…or better yet, wear it! Share some of your favorite memories of watching football with your husband and invite the attendees to do the same. You can do this once, twice or several times throughout the season – don’t wait till Super Bowl Sunday at the end of the season! Start a wonderful new tradition that you and your friends can look forward to and at the same time, wrap yourself in the smiles and warm memories of September with your favorite football fanatic.

LAST CHANCE TO SIGN UP!!!!

JOIN CAROLE AND WIDOWS WEAR STILETTOS

AT THE FIRST ANNUAL

NATIONAL CONFERENCE ON WIDOWHOOD

JULY 17-19, 2009

SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA

Thousands of you have asked for an event just like this – and here it is! Carole is thrilled to be appearing as a featured speaker and participant at the first annual National Conference on Widowhood, brought to you by our dear friends of the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation. You will have the opportunity to hear Carole speak and meet and visit with her in person; as well as meet other women just like you from all over the world! Read on for the exciting details from Soaring Spirits and be sure to visit www.sslf.org to sign up NOW!

The following is reproduced with the permission of

Soaring Spirits Foundation

Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation

National Conference on Widowhood

San Diego, California

July 17-19, 2009

“Celebrating all we have accomplished as we look forward to what we have yet to become.”

Event Details:

Friday July 17, 2009:

Meet Your Match Welcome Reception: This is your opportunity to meet and mingle with other widows as you enjoy light hors d’oeuvres and cocktails.

Saturday July 18, 2009:

Morning Break-Out Sessions: With thirty-two sessions, a variety of presenters, and topics that include: how to keep your husband’s memory alive for your children; what the latest information is about estate planning; how to utilize on-line dating sites; a writer’s workshop; scrap booking your husband’s life; ways to discover your passion for life again….and many, many more. There will be a variety of presentations to address the many questions widows face. You choose the sessions that most interest you!

Afternoon Break-Out Sessions: Here is your next chance to attend the presentation that most appeals to you. Popular sessions will be repeated in the second time block.

Sunday July 19, 2009: