Tips of the Month

TIPS OF THE MONTH

TIPS OF THE MONTH – AUGUST, 2008

NOTE: DUE TO OVERWHELMING READER RESPONSE AND FOR THE BENEFIT OF OUR NEW MEMBERS, THE FOLLOWING “TIP” IS REPEATED FROM AUGUST, 2007

WHEN “GOING AWAY” MEANS “LEAVING HOME”

For many, August is a popular “going away” month. Whether it’s to a last session of summer camp or back to school, August is a month where many children find themselves leaving the home…perhaps for a short period time or in the case of college, until the first holidays arrive.

Regardless of the age(s) of your children, leaving home for any period of time may prove difficult. It’s a scary step under the best of circumstances; under the circumstances with which your children are living, it can be terrifying. The reasons are several:

Since the loss of their father, your child’s sense of security has been shaken. There home life has been upended. There is a very real underlying fear of losing you as well, and the rationale is oftentimes, “if I don’t leave, nothing will happen to Mom or to my family”.

Guilt. Your child may feel as though he is “deserting” you by leaving you all by yourself – and they may feel that way even if there are siblings at home.

Sadness. Whether it has been years or just a short time, your child may still be the early stages of mourning the loss of their father (Kendall was still grappling with the “early” stages of grief years after her father’s death).

Lack of control. Your child may feel as though they have no control over their lives or their destiny. Like it or not, they feel as though they “have” to continue with life and that continuance includes school, activities, etc…even if they feel just too overwhelmed to do so.

Your first instinct may very well be to keep your child at home at all costs. That’s not an unusual instinct; I went through the exact same thing. However, this is Real World and in Real World, you must enable and encourage your child to return to a life of education and / or activity.

How can you help?

1) STOP! Pay attention to your child. Does your child appear reluctant to leave home? Does he /she demonstrate a distinct lack of enthusiasm or disdain for the upcoming activity or departure?

2) LOOK! Does he procrastinate when it comes to packing or taking care of “have-to’s”? Has her general behavior become moody or sullen?

3) LISTEN! Is she saying things like, “I don’t really have to go Mom”, or, “how will you manage without me”?

4) VOLUNTEER! Offer to go with your child … to see them off to school (yes, even if that means traveling across the country), to take them to camp or to the bus that will take them to camp. Go to lunch or dinner beforehand to help make this a festive and exciting time. If schools are offering student orientations, offer to go with your child the first time. You will also want to make sure that any camp or school guidance counselors are aware that your child has experienced a major loss in their life, so that if your child needs help in your absence, the help is ready and waiting for them.

5) STAY IN TOUCH! Write, email, fax…whatever you are permitted to do to stay in touch with your child. And while it’s OK to let them know that you miss them like crazy, it is NOT going to be OK to superimpose your grief onto them – they are worried enough about you as it is. Don’t tell them that you wish they never had to leave home (even though we all feel that way as parents!), or that their absence makes you miss their father even more…this is a guilt that they cannot handle and should not have to handle.

6) KEEP PAYING ATTENTION! If you sense that your child is having genuine difficulties with being away from home, (poor grades, isolation, rebellion, physical symptoms, etc.,) contact the people in charge to discuss and remedy the situation. Don’t just assume that “it’s homesickness” or that “this too shall pass”.

Keeping this tips in mind will help ensure that your child will have a pleasant experience away from home, while at the same time, making sure that your concern, your love and your presence is felt as much as possible.

IT’S HERE!

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INSPIRATION “IN AN INSTANT”!

You are no doubt familiar with Bob Woodruff; the ABC News anchor who was critically wounded by a roadside bomb in Iraq in January, 2006. He, along with his incredible wife Lee and their four children collectively fought to bring Bob back to health - a fight that they were brave enough to share with the entire world.

“In an Instant” (Random House), is a courageously honest, immensely touching, sometimes-humorous and always-hopeful memoir written by both Bob and Lee Woodruff. Chronicling their “beginnings” as students at Colgate University and journeying through their marriage; the arrival of children; career triumphs and life challenges, the Woodruffs take us on their “life ride”, and spare no details in sharing the terror, the uncertainty, the almost unbearable frustration and the eventual aftermath of Bob’s life-altering injuries. Many of you will especially relate to Lee’s candid portrayal of her life as caregiver to her critically ill husband and mother to four children – and you will find comfort and reassurance in her words.

Just over two years after his devastating injury, Bob continues his miraculous recovery and is once again working at ABC News. He and Lee have devoted themselves to helping soldiers returning from Iraq with TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). In addition to extensive traveling to speak to and visit with the thousands of victims of this tragic injury (and their families), the Woodruffs have also started the Bob Woodruff Family Fund to aid those in need of rehabilitation from their injuries.

“In an Instant” is available at all major retailers, as well as through their website. For more information on the book and the Fund, visit www.bobwoodrufffamilyfund.org/

**PLEASE NOTE: The tips, resources, websites, endorsements and recommendations offered on this page are based on research conducted by Widows Wear Stilettos and / or personal experience. These recommendations are made for the sole purpose of offering assistance and suggestions to our members and visitors to the site. Widows Wear Stilettos, its production company, Penguins 51 and / or their employees or assigns DO NOT receive ANY remuneration whatsoever for any resource or recommendations made.

CAROLE’S EMBARRASSINGLY EASY RECIPE OF THE MONTH

Since I’m still in a “Salad State of Mind” (apologies to WWS members from New York and to Billy Joel for messing with a song title!), I’m sharing yet another super-favorite of mine. This recipe was given to me by a longtime dear friend and “Mentor Extraordinaire” after my ranting and demanding that she share the recipe… or else!

BROCCOLI SALAD

2 large heads of broccoli, chopped extremely fine
1 small red onion, chopped
1 cup golden raisins
1 large carrot, grated.

FOR THE DRESSING, MIX TOGETHER:

1 cup mayonnaise
½ cup sugar,
2 tbsp rice vinegar

Pour dressing over broccoli mixture and toss. Just prior to serving, add 8 slices of cooked and crumbled bacon and 1 cup sunflower seeds.

CAROLE SAYS: You can substitute turkey bacon or REAL bacon bits, found in the condiments section of your grocery store. Refrigerate leftovers (if there are any!); it tastes even better the following day!

Previous Tips:

(Carole's Past Monthly Recipes have been moved to a separate page for RECIPES. All recipe links go to this new page.)

July:

2008

August:

When "Going Away" means "Leaving Home" -

Recipe of the Month: Recipes

July:

Summertime Sizzle - Be Smart

Recipe of the Month: Super Cool Coleslaw

June:

To Life (Insurance, That Is)

Recipe of the Month: Chicken Turnovers

May

Spring Has Sprung

Recipe of the Month: Quickie Chickie Salad

April

Don't Assume . . . ASK

Recipe of the Month: Tortellini Caesar Salad and Charoset

March

Live and Laugh

Recipe of the Month: Sausage Tortellini Soup and Cucumber Salad

February

Celebrate Life in a Beautifully Meaningful Way

Recipe of the Month: Chicken Whip

January

Undercover Angel - She's Amazing

Recipe of the Month: Easy Pull-Apart Bread

2007

December:

Holiday Ideas - No Baking Required

Recipes of the Month: Onion Pate & Snowdrops

November:

Your Financial Folly Can Finally Be Finished

Recipe of the Month: Sherried Sweet Potatoes

October:

Help Yourself . . . and Help Others, too

Halloween Safety

Recipe of the Month: Hearty Chicken and Noodle Casserole

September:

Awesome Autumn Has Arrived (See current Tips)

Recipe of the Month: Pork 'N' Noodles with Cherry Dessert

August:

When "Going Away" means "Leaving Home" -

July:

In The Summertime

June:

Widow Etiquette - Part 2

May:

Widow Etiquette

April:

Spring Has Sprung

Congratulations Design-Her-Gals

March:

How To "Get Through" the "Go Through"

February:

Valentine's Day "SURVIVAL" Ideas

Do You Know Anyone in My Area

January:

Happy New Year - Happy New You!

The Tax Man Cometh

2006

December:

Holiday Ideas - No Baking Required

"Legal-ese" - The Hardest Language in the World

November:

Giving Thanks . . . and Getting Through

To Life! (Insurance, That Is)

October:

Don't Assume - Ask

Have Fun . . . Help Others

September:

When Back-to-School and "Back-To-Bed" Collide

Copy of Tips of the Month