ENJOY THE PROLOGUE AND COMPLETE TABLE OF CONTENTS FROM CAROLE'S FORTHCOMING BOOK,

"HAPPILY EVEN AFTER:

A GUIDE TO GETTING THROUGH (AND BEYOND!) THE GRIEF OF WIDOWHOOD"

(Viva Editions, May 2012)

NOTE:  Copyright, 2011 by Viva Editions.  No reproduction of the following is permitted without the expressed written permission of Viva Editions

"HAPPILY EVEN AFTER…"

TABLE OF CONTENTS  

I.    Preface (or, "Let's Get It Started!")

II.   Prologue

III.  Introduction

1.  THE “WHAT NOW” OF WIDOWHOOD

a.  “What Do I Do With Myself Now?”

b. " 'Older" vs. 'Younger'…Who Am I?"

c. “Why Don’t I Feel Better Yet?”

d.  “Why Don’t I Feel Better Yet”…The Sequel

e.  The “Square Peg” Syndrome

f.  “Who Am I?”…For The “Technical” Widow

g.  “Who Am I?”…For The “Not-So-Technical” Widow

h.  A Widow By Any Other Name – PLEASE!

j.   Living Single in a “Couples” World

k.  The “Plurality” of Loss

l.   “When It Rains…” The “Pancake Tragedy” Phenomenon

2.  EMOTIONS – EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM

a.  The “Art” of Grieving – Your Way

b.  The “Art” of Grieving – According to the Rest of the World” (And How To       Handle It)

c   “How Can I Help?”

d.  The Eternal Question (and Answer) to “Why Me?”

e.  “Closure” – The Word That Would Not Go Away

f.   “Strength” – Their Perception and Your Reality

g.  Whatever Happened to “Gone But Not Forgotten?”

h.  Guilt Be Gone!

i.   The Anatomy of Anger

j.   Walking Through the “Valley of the Shadow”…Alone

k.  Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real

l.   A “Perfect” Marriage – an “Imperfect” Reality

m. The "Married Widow"

3.  WHAT’S “APPROPRIATE” – OR, “IS IT OK TO…”

a. Getting Through the “Going Through”

b. Holidays and Celebrations

c. Generally Speaking…

d. “It’s My Ring and I’ll Do What I Want…Maybe”

e. "Dating Game" - or “Waiting Game”?

4.  FINANCES, LEGALITY AND “WORKING” YOUR WAY THROUGH

a.  Getting It Together – and Keeping It That Way

b.  Everyone is an “Expert” – NOT!

c.  What Can Wait…and What Cannot

d.  Returning to Work (After the Funeral / “Bereavement Leave”)

e.  Returning to Work (After Extended Absence from the Workplace)

f.  Money, The Family Tree – and the Breaking Branches

g.  What’s the (Legal) Deal?

h.  Taking Care of Business…Your Own

5.  THE QUESTIONS, QUANDRIES, "DO’S, DON’T’S

     AND  DUMBFOUNDING” OF DATING

a.  How Do You Know When You’re Ready to Date

b.  What If You’re “Supposed” to be Ready to Date – and You’re Not.

c.  “I’m ‘Cheating’ On My Husband?” (Part 1)

d.  “Who’s Going to Want Me Now?”

e.  How Do You Meet People?

f. …and WHERE Do You Meet People?

g. "What Will 'The World' Think?"

h. "What Will The Children Think?"

i.  Dating and Discouraged

6.  LOVE IS ALL AROUND – REALLY!

a. “But I’m Afraid”

b.  "How Do I Know That It’s Really Love?"

c.  The “Invisible Yardstick” Strikes Again

7.  THE INTRICACIES OF INTIMACY

a.  The REAL “Fear Factor”

b.  "I’m 'Cheating' On My Husband" (Part 2)

c.  The “Rules”

d.  “Taking Care of a Different Kind of ‘Business’ ”

8.  CHILDREN – THEIR TODAY AND YOUR FAMILY'S "TOMORROW"

a. When “Breaking the News” Means Breaking a Heart

b. Being Strong is Great – Being “Weak” is Even Better

c  Helping the Grieving Child ( under the age of ten years)

d. Helping the Grieving Child (adolescents, teenagers and young adults)

e.  People Say the Dumbest Things…the “Junior” Version

f. “Overfocus” on Your Children; “Underfocus” on You

g. “Steps – The Ones Inside Your Heart

9.   REMARRIAGE AND RECOMMITTMENT REVIEW

a.  “I Thought I Was Ready and I’m Not”

b.  “I Think I Can – or Can I?”

c.  Consider This…

d.  Blending Families: Stir Together…Mix Well?

10.  THE “AFTERLIFE” – YOURS!

IV.       Epilogue

V.        Afterthoughts

Acknowledgements

Recommended Resources

PROLOGUE

Whatever the path I choose to take on my Healing Journey,

It is my path to choose and to take.

My path is unique because I am unique

and is therefore not subject to opinion.

I accept that I will make mistakes on this journey

for which there is no map and no direction;

No easy or quick way "out" or "through".

I will have difficult days.

I will fall short of my expectations

and perhaps the expectations of those whom I love.

I will lose my way.

But I will find my way back.

I will chart my course and direction.

I will recover and learn from my mistakes.

I will have wonderful days that counter the difficult.

I will exceed my expectations

while discovering that those whom I love

also love me…in return and without condition;

Expecting nothing more from me than I am able to give.

And while I know that the Healing Journey is a process,

as long as I am moving forward

Slowly…

Determinedly…

Resolutely…

and with purpose,

The Healing Journey is not simply a process

It is also

a promise.

-- Carole Brody Fleet

    Written June, 2001

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TODAY

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"WIDOWS WEAR STILETTOS..."

AVAILABLE AT ALL MAJOR RETAILERS AND AT ALL MAJOR ONLINE STORES

 “Carole Brody Fleet offers advice and humor in the book,’ Widows Wear Stilettos…’ to help young widows cope with loss.”

The Orange County Register (CA)
 

“A young widow holds out a helping hand to others who have lost their husbands”

The San Diego Union-Tribune (CA)

“Mourning and depression give way to ‘Widows Wear Stilettos…’; a touching and funny memoir”

The Monterey County Herald (CA)

“A young widow reclaims her life through writing - tragedy pushes Carole Brody Fleet to help others dealing with loss”.

The Houston Chronicle (TX)

“The title of [Carole Brody Fleet’s] book is catchy, but [the] sentiment is powerful and necessary for those who feel alone”.

The L.A. Daily News (Valley Edition)  (CA)

The following is an excerpt from the critically-acclaimed book:

“Widows Wear Stilettos..."

            December 21, 2000.  The sun was setting on a stereotypically beautiful California afternoon.  Dozens of police officers stood at rapt attention; some with tears streaming down their faces, belying their attempts at stoicism.  The soft moan of bagpipes echoed the traditional “Amazing Grace” over the hillsides.  Several hundred more people stood staring at the flag-draped coffin with the identically numb expression – complete and utter disbelief.  In one of my few moments of lucidity that day, watching this moment unfold as if it were happening to someone else and while holding tightly to our then-11 year old daughter’s hand, one lone thought continued to play over and over in my head: 

I’m a widow. 

Widowed.  To my mind, widows are older, retired, with grown children and grandchildren.  Widows are married for years and years and enjoy a rich, full and storied life with their spouse.  Widows sport gray hair, live in retirement communities and go on a lot of cruises.  Widows wear sensible shoes and entertain with stories of the “good old days” (penny candy, dime movies and Uncle Miltie) or the “bad old days” (the Depression and walking to school uphill both ways in the snow). 

Conversely, I’m the last of the Baby Boomer generation. I came of age during Women’s Rights, Vietnam and Watergate; pet rocks and puka shells, Led Zeppelin and lava lamps.  My generation is “post-Pill and pre-AIDS”; ours is the generation that witnessed the birth of the microwave oven, the personal computer, the VCR and remember a life without MTV, cell phones, the Internet or reality television. 

            Widowed?  Impossible. I wear low-rise pants and miniskirts.  Stiletto heels are the mainstay of my always-expanding wardrobe and in fact, the license plates on my car pay homage to my almost-fanatical love of all things footwear.   I know all of the words to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  My CD collection is heavily laden with 1970’s disco and heavy metal and 1980’s new wave, pop-punk and “hair band” music.  Shopping is my zen, I’d rather dance, than breathe and I love laughing till it hurts at comedy clubs and taking frequent trips to Las Vegas.  I enjoy lemon drop martinis at sunset and a champagne cocktail with dinner (OK, I know the latter is a 1950’s-era drink, but still…).  My daughter and I share clothes and cheeseburgers, beauty tips and giggles…

            Yet I’m a widow.      

At only 40 years old, I was widowed, with a child to raise, mortgages to pay, the same “pile of bills” that every family in America has sitting on their respective desks, while in the midst of a veritable tornado of emotions and absolutely no idea how to transition into this new and unexpected life.

I attempted to seek support from others in my not-so-common position; those who were widowed at a younger age with children to raise and a sizeable chunk of life still in front of them - and found none.  All of the widow/widower organizations, while certainly worthwhile, boasted membership consisting primarily of people in the somewhat older, here-are-pictures-of-my-grandchildren age group.  The few support groups that I found on the Internet were either determined to discuss nothing but their dear departed and ONLY their dear departed or they were looking for dates. 

Books?  There are a lot of wonderful books out there on widowhood, grieving and loss - but none that I found dealt with the both the practical issues of widowhood (whom to contact and how, what paperwork you’ll need and helpful resources), as well as issues that are particular to younger widows, such as helping young and adolescent children transition and function in a world where “everyone has a dad except me”; re-entering the world of dating at a time when the large majority of your friends are married; the necessity of re-entering the workplace; functioning as a “single” in a “couples” world without feeling like the cruise director on Noah’s Ark; becoming sexually active again (or not), remarrying (or not),  and so many other issues that affect women who are widowed in their 40’s, their 30’s and younger still. 

It is then for those women to whom the title of widow has come far too soon, that “Widows Wear Stilettos…” is intended - for those women to whom “till death do us part” happened long before it was ever expected, whether by long term illness, sudden illness, accident or tragic circumstance. 

Please let me reassure you that though you may feel like it right now, you are not alone. Let me also reassure you that even if you can’t see it right now, today, this moment….there is a big, beautiful life out there and together, we will help you go get it. 

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