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WIDOWS WEAR STILETTOS

MONTHLY NEWSLETTER AND

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MESSAGE OF THE MONTH

June, 2013

"Widows Wear Stilettos..."

It's Not Just a Title

Happy June everyone:

Welcome back to Message of the Month! It feels great to be writing personal messages to our Widows Wear Stilettos family - it was something that I did years ago when Widows Wear Stilettos was brand new. Unfortunately, other WWS responsibilities, writing for two outlets (oh, and the book-writing too!) have taken the place of the former "Monthly Message"; however, I'll drop in as I can to say hello.

My return to the Monthly Message actually begins - well, way back at the beginnings of my career as an author and later, the founder of Widows Wear Stilettos as a community. Recent events (and the accompanying nastiness that the Internet affords to those lacking basic decency or good manners) have necessitated that I again explain exactly where and how the name "Widows Wear Stilettos" originated. I had previously assumed that the backstory behind the name was well known - it appears in two books, in countless interviews and in literally every live presentation that I give. However, it has since become apparent that the backstory isn't as widely known as I had thought - not even by those who claim to have read the books. For that reason, the story bears repeating; if only in the hopes that those engaging in cyber-vitriol might treat the people behind the name Widows Wear Stilettos with a small measure of respect.

When you are charged with caring for someone with a terminal illness, even though you are well aware of the inevitable outcome of the illness, you are also not spending your days dwelling on that outcome. You are instead focusing on daily survival. Your emphases are on attempting some sort of normalcy in the household, while embracing every precious moment with your terminally ill loved one that is gifted to you. Words like "widow" and "death" are not yet a part of your daily lexicon. Is it then really a surprise to anyone that the first time the word "widow" actually entered my consciousness was during Mike's funeral? Would anyone be that shocked at my initial thought processes; that women who wear high heels and enjoy martinis and have young children and full-throttle careers do not fit the image that the word "widow" conjures?

I don't think so.

As a result of one lucid and crystallizing moment at Mike's funeral, the title "Widows Wear Stilettos..." literally popped into my head several years later. In selecting that name as a book title, I wasn't trying to be "sensational", nor was I going for "cute"; neither of which are inherent parts of my personality. Further, if I were using that title at an attempt to convey "sexy" or "provocative", I certainly picked an odd subject - death and grief - to amplify said alleged sexiness. Lastly, "Widows Wear Stilettos..." is not some kind of dress requirement (well, except for me I suppose.)

"Widows Wear Stilettos..." was and is my own way of both honoring Mike's memory, while conveying to a bereaved community - and to the world at large:

We are not the image of widowed that the world purports us to be.

There is no "minimum age requirement" involved in widowhood.

Not all widowed were married for many decades.

Not all widowed see twilight years with their spouses.

No widowed look exactly the same.

No widowhood looks exactly the same.

No Healing Journey is exactly the same.

We come from both genders, in ALL age groups and from all walks.

We have young children.

We were left pregnant.

We never had the chance to have children at all.

We are still in the workplace...

Or we are faced with returning to the workplace after staying at home with our children.

We are faced with a life that we aren't sure how to live.

We likely know no one to talk to that really understands.

We do not want to be looked at peculiarly.

We do not want pity.

We want help.

We want education.

We want support.

We want a community of peers who understand.

Because...we're still here.

And we matter too.

With that, "Widows Wear Stilettos..." - the book and later, the community - was born.

As an author, I am immensely proud of "Widows Wear Stilettos..." and what it brings to the widowed community...necessary education, a smile and messages of hope and optimism for a brighter future. I am humbled that the book speaks to so many widowed of all ages and of both genders. As the founder of a community and the head of a wonderful Board of Directors, I speak for all of us when I say that we at Widows Wear Stilettos are proud of the name and who and what it represents. I do understand and embrace that not everyone is going to love the name of the book and / or the organization and that is fine. We pride ourselves on our unique approach to grief recovery; however, I also understand and embrace that not everyone prefers our approach - and that's fine too. Anyone who is going through bereavement of any kind has to find who and what best speaks to them and what will ultimately work for them in terms of healing - and the fact remains that no one person and no one organization can possibly please everyone.

Over the years, I have learned to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to negativity and to naysayers (especially those on the Internet) and I have learned to train my focus on the kindness of the majority of people we encounter every day. But when it comes to blatant disrespect - of me, my family, the memory of someone we love or the people whom I am so proud to serve - deaf ears and blind eyes are not enough. I am not quite that evolved.

To those people, I ask: Is it really necessary to display public disrespect for a title that is obviously borne of tragedy and originates from one lucid moment during a devastatingly heartbreaking event? Does that somehow actually make you feel good? Is it really necessary to publicly denigrate a title that is meant to not only convey hope and optimism to others, but is also a way to honor the memory of a beloved husband and father, whose dying wish was that our family's experience be used to help others? Does that bring some kind of personal satisfaction to you?

I would hope not.

So, to those who have negative or less-enlightened views of who I am personally or as an author, who we are as an organization and community, what we do or why we are called what we are called, I am sorry that we could not be of help to you and that you further felt it necessary to resort to unkindness (written and otherwise); rather than simply go elsewhere to seek the help that you deserve. Perhaps you might think twice before choosing to disparage the memory of a wonderful man, the family who loved him and the work that we do in support of those in pain and in need.

To the many thousands of people who make up Widows Wear Stilettos and have supported us for almost seven years, we once again thank you with our deepest gratitude. It is our privilege to be of service to you and to this community and we will continue to do so to the very best of our ability.

I close with the Epilogue from "Widows Wear Stilettos..."

"...and as the sun set over the hillsides

and the chill of a December evening quietly fell,

while still holding tightly to her young daughter's hand...

the widow bid her beloved

a tearful "I'll love you forever" and a final farewell;

and she did so in four-inch black pumps

because after all...

...widows wear stilettos"

Michael Alan Fleet, Sr.

7/21/45 - 12/19/00

"HAPPILY EVEN AFTER..." HAS WON THE PRESTIGIOUS

BOOKS FOR A BETTER LIFE AWARD

(RELATIONSHIPS CATEGORY)

Viva Editions and Widows Wear Stilettos are thrilled to announce that "Happily Even After..." by Carole Brody Fleet has won the Books for a Better Life Award in the Relationships category. Recognized as one of the most prestigious awards in publishing, the awards ceremony was held at The Times Center in New York City and hosted by television personality Meredith Vieira. Watch a brief highlight video on the "Media Appearances" page.

Congratulations to Viva Editions and to Carole on this fantastic award!

Carole and Meredith Vieira Books for a Better Life Award winners with

bestselling authors, Gail Sheehy and Tom Wolfe

CAROLE'S AWARD-WINNING BOOK:

"HAPPILY EVEN AFTER:

A Guide to Getting Through (and Beyond!)

the Grief of Widowhood" (Viva Editions)

CLICK BELOW TO ORDER AT AMAZON

(NOW ALSO AVAILABLE AS AN AUDIO BOOK)

http://tinyurl.com/78s6awl

The issues that surround the loss of a spouse are numerous and complex. A very small sampling of these issues include helping children cope with a parent's death, re-entering the workplace and eventually re-entering the world of dating, love and intimacy; as well as moving through a profoundly emotional period. The widowed must find a way to accept and deal with these oftentimes conflicting and confusing emotions while being expected to "carry on and carry forward" by those around them. The widowed must also adjust financially and legally; as well as be available to children that inevitably look to their surviving parent for guidance and support. Whether newly widowed or widowed for many years, those who has suffered the loss of a spouse have many questions that need answering and they likely know no one who is adequately qualified to answer those questions.

Multi-award winning author and grief recovery expert, Carole Brody Fleet follows up the critically acclaimed: "Widows Wear Stilettos..." with the aptly-titled, "Happily Even After...", the first and only book of its kind; answering the most common questions that the widowed generally have both immediately following a spouse's death as well as months and even years thereafter. These questions are excerpted from thousands of actual letters received by the author and the responses are from the author's own perspective; based upon considerable personal and professional experience and insight.

Since the questions featured are the more commonly asked questions by those who are themselves widowed, readers will likely find answers to most of the questions that they have concerning widowhood; dealing with everything from child rearing as a widowed parent to coping with relatives who fancy themselves financial wizards, to the "rules of intimacy"...and a wide-ranging variety of subjects in between. Whether you are a young woman in the early years of a marriage, a Golden Anniversary celebrant or a "widow of the heart" who lost a significant other with no legal claims, Carole will hold your hand and offer you practical tools for any problem you may face. Most importantly, "Happily EVEN After..." will help you reclaim YOU.

Proudly presented by

and sold at Barnes & Noble, all other chain and independent bookstores

and everywhere online that books are sold

CAROLE BRODY FLEET AND

WIDOWS WEAR STILETTOS

ARE AT THE HUFFINGTON POST

Carole is a regular weekly contributor to The Huffington Post. Her articles entitled, "15 Things You Should Never Say to the Bereaved" ; "Are You Grieving Right?: What's Right, What's Wrong"...and WTF?; "It's a Matter of Life...and Debt: Know Your Rights"; "It's No Day at the 'Fair' " ; "Getting Through the Giving Thanks" ; "Avoiding First Date Faux Pas (Part 1): What Never To Do On A First Date"; "Stop the Madness..." and "Why There is No Such Thing as 'Getting Over' Your Spouse's Death" each received overwhelming responses from readers and all eight articles were included in AOL's Welcome page lead headlines. Carole's HuffPost Live interview alongside Nate Berkus has also been featured numerous times on AOL's Welcome page lead headlines and several recent articles were trending articles on both HuffPost and on Facebook.

Carole's articles appear every Monday. Read all of her articles here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carole-brody-fleet/

WATCH: Watch highlights from Carole's interview with Nate Berkus here:

http://www.aol.com/video/the-things-that-matter-caroles-story/517534080/?icid=maing-grid7|maing6|dl22|sec1_lnk1%26pLid%3D232415

Celebrating four years as a Winner, Relationships category

national bestseller

YOU CAN HELP OTHERS WITH JUST FIVE MINUTES

AND A FEW WORDS

"Happily Even After..." has been selected as one of the top self-improvement books published in 2012 and has won the Books for a Better Life Award, one of the top awards in publishing. Widows Wear Stilettos..." has just completed four consecutive years as a national bestseller and Amazon has selected it as a top-rated book out of the over eight million titles that they currently carry. While wonderful honors, customers (especially the widowed) want more than critical opinion and awards - and that's where you come in. Have you read either one or both books? Did the books help you and if so, how? You can help others by posting a quick customer review at Amazon.com. Remember, if someone is looking at the "Happily Even After..." or "Widows Wear Stilettos..." pages on Amazon, they (or someone they know) is in great pain and needs the help and hope that you can help provide. Posting a review takes no time at all and you'll be helping others by letting them know how the book helped you and how it might help them as well. Widows Wear Stilettos thanks you for your heart and your support.

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